#i set my available hours as 4 to close and i was scheduled for 5:15 AM TO 10 AM

[kindest-way-to-say]

fucking bureaucratic nonsense is meant to make your brain melt straight out of your skull and make your eyes feel like they’re turning to sawdust in their sockets and your bones feel like they’re filled with straight bromine and you’re supposed to just act like everything’s normal and good actually that there are so many barriers that don’t mean shit just to ask another person a question that takes 5 minutes to get answered in person but 5 days to get answered through the system

[thevirgodoll]

hi! i was wondering if you have any tips to stay organized and stay on task? i’ve been doing a short online course this year and have really struggled to ACTUALLY bring myself to do the work, as assignments and lessons are not under any time constraints i just don’t do it. i also have adhd so get bored or distracted easily. do you have any tips for me?

This is really close to me because I also have ADHD. I have both inattentive and hyperactive type. *As a result, this academic tip guide will be a guide for people with ADHD and not neurotypical people, without disability. There is a difference.*

I am doing online as well this semester.

1. I create a schedule. If I do not create a schedule, I will be unproductive the entire day. So, what will help you is to do things in orderly fashion.

For example, at 12p - I will do this assignment/watch this lecture. You have to dictate what time you’re doing everything. Then, you also have to block out technology distractions while you are working. 

-> Even if you’ve gotten halfway through the day with no schedule, write down or block off times on your digital calendar for what you are going to do at each time. ADHD is easier to tackle if you break things down into smaller tasks.

*Pro tip that I almost forgot: before you do anything, wear your day clothes. Don’t wear pajamas. Actually getting dressed or even doing hair/makeup changes things.

2. Download the Forest app after you have created your schedule. I consistently recommend this because it works in increasing productivity. It allows you to set it for however long you’re doing this task, say 30 minutes.

-> Why?: It will block all apps on your phone for (insert time here) to plant a tree, and if you leave the app your “tree” will die. Eventually, the more sessions you do, the more points you will gain to plant different plants, and eventually plant real trees around the world.

3. Have a list (& a planner) as well. Not only is the schedule creating structure, but the list creates even more structure so you know what you need to get done for the day. It also helps you not fall victim to the classic symptom of forgetting. Each day, you should write down what you WANT to get done and create your own times to look at lecture and assignments. Have goals for the day.

For example: complete assignment 2.

If you do not have expectations with yourself before the day begins, your ADHD will kind of take over and do something else. I have structure to my day. I set a timer to wake up at the same time. I take my ADHD medicine 90 minutes before my final wake up time, and I do my morning routine once it kicks in. Having the same routine helps.

-> Focus on your goals. Don’t be super harsh about the times.

-> Don’t overwhelm with how many things on to do list. Again, break it up into small tasks. For example, one part being: Wash dishes or fold laundry. It makes it less overwhelming to your brain and gives you a choice of which task. Typical non ADHD people just tell you to prioritize tasks but that doesn’t work for us. Do it in a random order and it gets the job done.

4. TAKE BREAKS! The other side to this is making sure that you give yourself adequate breaks.

*For hyperfocus, wait til your hyperfocus has started to wear off. Use it to your advantage for peak productivity. It is no joke.*

-> The misconception is that some people with ADHD are lazy and as a result, some ADHDers won’t take breaks. You can take a break. Healthy, long breaks do more for you long term.

-> Have a timer set. For example, after a 45 minute session or an hour session, I will take a break to do another task that has nothing to do with studying, like laundry, eating a snack, or stretching. Then after that task is done, I will go back to studying.

5. Have a workspace. Only do work at this space. I do schoolwork at my living room table and it is perfect. I do not study in my room because that is my sanctuary for relaxation and rest, not productivity. Make an effort to make the workspace clean, with your supplies - laptop, notebooks, pens, etc - readily available.

-> Once I get to my workspace, everything for the morning is already done. I’ve done my morning routine, so all there is left to do is hydrate while I study.

6. Recognize if you have adequate energy to do the task. Sometimes, with ADHD you may neglect your needs. If you are not getting enough rest, here are some tips:

•Bed should be for rest only.

•Blackout curtains

•Lavender essential oil, I have a diffuser but you can also put it on your pillow

•Background noise: pick what you want, lo fi music, rain sounds, binaural beats, singing bowls

•If all else fails, ADHD is often comorbid with other illnesses, meaning you could have a form of depression causing insomnia for example. This should be considered if you are having long term issues and symptoms.

7. Don’t overdo it. We are not neurotypical. Executive dysfunction is real - meaning our brains actually shut down when it perceives a task to be mundane.

-> You do not have to fit everything into one schedule for the sake of being “productive”. Each day should be what you know you can do, and there are different days to tackle different goals.

-> When you feel like you cannot continue, which is literally a symptom of ADHD, sit still for a few minutes.

8. Have a “What I Did Today” List. Because of how ADHD actually makes us feel, we don’t realize how much work we have put in. ADHD actually can be explained easily, we have about 2 dopamine workers showing up to work while most people are at maximum capacity. We are working overtime to do our best, even on medicine. So, acknowledging what we did today is good and encouraging, or at least reflecting in a journal.

9. Play music. It’s recommended to play study music without words because with ADHD we will submerge ourselves into the playlist of nostalgic 90s R&B. I recommend lo fi hip hop on YouTube, video game instrumentals, classical music, or jazz instrumentals. Whatever gets you going just do it!

General ADHD tips:

•Rewrite lecture notes and type the lecture notes.

•Color code with bright colors and pretty drawings or calligraphy

•Instead of telling yourself “I need to take notes” which usually leads to procrastination say “Rewrite lecture notes and emphasize main points” ... this is useful in your to do list but in everyday goals

•Generally try to get your assignments done ahead of time if there is structure to certain courses, if not, again, stick to the schedule. If you slip one day off your schedule then don’t beat yourself up. Breathe!!!

•Side effect of most ADHD meds is that you’re not hungry so buy easy things to eat like muscle milk or yogurt and granola or smoothies so you can sustain yourself

•Get a dry erase board to show what you need to do for the day and put it on the fridge with command strips

•To avoid forgetting things, put them at a table near the door where you leave your apartment/dorm/house.

•Don’t overthink the time it takes to get ready, often that’s why ADHDers are late. Better to be super early than late though - have a routine set so you know how long each task takes - for example “I know a shower takes me 15 mins, washing my face takes 60 seconds and a few more including sunscreen/moisturizer, etc...”

•In that same grain, set timers for going to the bathroom, showering, etc just in case you one day hyperfocus and push yourself too far

•Open the blinds!!!!

•Clean your room and tidy up your space. A cluttered space impacts your mental health in a really negative way. Your space reflects your mental state at times as well, so check in with yourself. Have a specific day where you know you’re going to clean, but ADHD sometimes gives us bursts of cleaning so take advantage of that as well.

•Anytime your water bottle empties refill it. Have your water bottle or mason jar next to your workspace, and drink 5-10 gulps. Seriously. ADHD depends a lot on hydration, especially if you are on medicine which naturally dehydrates you. If you do not stay hydrated, you’ll get that massive headache mid day and crash sooner. A lot of times, lack of productivity can be due to not drinking enough water.

•If you don’t take medication, then sometimes you may notice you love coffee, and that’s because it’s a stimulant. Too much of anything is not good, but balance it with water. If you’re going to use coffee to kinda “medicate” then do it close to when you’re going to be productive.

•Setting yourself up to do a task rather than envisioning the overwhelming act of doing the entire action. “Okay, lets just get up and get the first step down, such as opening the laptop or wetting the toothbrush.” Baby steps.

•Take advantage of accommodations! Your college more than likely has an Office of Disability Services. Also, email your professors...they’re actually just as stressed as you about classes being online.

•Remember that you’re already trying as hard as you can, so don’t listen to the narrative of “try harder”, “you’re *r word*”, “you’re cheating by using medication”, “just do it,” “it’s easy,” “what’s so hard about it?” or “you’re lazy”. Anyone telling you that, even yourself, is wrong. And DO NOT allow anyone to be ableist, even yourself.

•Validate yourself. Don’t let anyone to do the “I experience that too”/“I know what you mean”/“we ALL have trouble with this!” and they don’t have ADHD. No. It’s our experience, it’s valid, and unlike anything on the planet. If you’re reading this and you don’t have ADHD - no, you do not experience any of the things in my next bullet point.

•Don’t be hard on yourself if you stumble along the way getting this right. ADHD completely changes your executive functioning.

We see the task, but our brain blocks it.

We have something marked down as “important” but our brain tosses it out in the “trash”.

We watch an entire episode of a show, but our brain ignored the entire thing. Our brain picks and chooses what is stimulating, our brain changes our interests.

We have sensory overload, we have no dopamine, we have bursts of curiosity that cannot be contained (often inconvenient) and if interrupted, our brains cannot take it.

People often discount how many things ADHD actually changes because it’s widely misunderstood. I want to take the time to acknowledge that ADHD, formerly known as simply ADD, has different types: primarily inattentive, primarily hyperactive-impulsive, or combined which is what I have. So it’s not “hyper” and “relatable”. It is also not a buzzword to use to describe things. I must put stereotypes and misrepresentations of ADHD to rest.

It impacts us emotionally as well, which most people don’t know... such as rejection dysphoria — extreme sensitivity to being criticized to where our brains self destruct. Our brains don’t regulate emotions well.

ADHDers - do not fall victim to how everyone else operates and call yourself a failure. We have to work twice as hard and the results actually come out brilliant especially with our determination and imaginative ideas that are also seen in autistic individuals, honorable mention!

There’s good days and bad days. There’s literal changes in thinking that other people do not experience. We all collectively know wouldn’t be who we are without ADHD, but we all recognize the challenges. However, it makes me happy to see messages like this so that I can make a difference and hopefully help one person with ADHD, especially of color, at a time stop being so hard on themselves. 💗

[handers-time]

Welcome to the 2021 Handers gift exchange sign-ups! The sign-up form is now active and waiting for you to sign up. As a reminder, this exchange is open to all forms of creative output - art, fanmixes, fic and edits are all equally welcome. If you have any questions that aren’t covered in the FAQ below please do feel free to get in touch - I’m always happy to help!

Sign-ups are open until end of day Friday 14th May 2021 at midnight PDT (3am Saturday EST, 8am Saturday UK, 6pm Saturday Sydney).

Check-ins will be held on the 28th May and all gifts should be complete and posted by Friday 18h June.

FAQ under readmore:

Q. When will assignments go out, and when is my gift due?

A. Assignments will be sent out over the weekend after sign-ups close (15th/16th May). You’ll be required to complete and share your gift prior to the Friday 18th June.

Q. Will there be check-ins?

A. Yes. I’ll be checking in with all participants halfway through the exchange - so on or around the 28th of May. If you are struggling to complete a gift or haven’t started by then I would strong encourage you to flag this to me so that we can arrange a pinch-hitter if necessary. I understand that life happens, so I won’t hold it against you if you need to drop out - I just want to be sure that your recipient still gets a gift!

Q. How do I share my gift?

A. All gifts should be posted on AO3 and on tumblr. If you do not have an AO3 account please contact me and we will handle matters from there. Gifts should be posted to the 2021 Handers Gift Exchange collection on AO3 (available here). Your recipient should be clearly tagged. Tumblr posts should tag in the handers-time blog so that I can find it to reblog it.

Q. How big should my gift be?

A. This is a difficult one to quantify, but for fic I have set a minimum word count of 1,000 words. This represents approximately 1-2 hours of work for an average person and artists and editors should therefore loosely consider this a benchmark.

Extra gifts - written as optional add-ons after you’ve completed your main gift - can be much smaller with a minimum word count of 250 words. There is no maximum word count for main gifts or for extra gifts so if you’ve got the War & Peace of Hawke/Anders in you bursting to be let loose then go for it - we’ll all be excited to see it!

Q. Is this an anonymous gift exchange?

A. No. You can post to the collection whenever you feel like it and on tumblr too. Just please don’t tell your giftee that you have them until after you’ve posted your gift!

Q. Are there any rules about commenting?

A. Yes. You must comment on any gift written for you. For a full gift, this should be a comment of at least 3 lines in length.

Q. I don’t want to sign up to the exchange but I’d like to produce extra gifts. What do I do?

Lovely to have you! Sign up as normal using the form above, but in the requests box just put ‘N/A - I’m here for the extra gifts’. I’ll send you the complete spreadsheet of requests when it’s ready and you can pick and choose which extra gifts to write at your leisure.

Q. I have another question.

A. Please send an ask to the handers-time mod and I’ll be happy to help.

So, to recap:

Schedule:

May 10-14: Sign-ups are available here. May 15-16: Match-making; assignments will be circulated. May 17: Collection will open for submissions. May 28: Check-ins, pinch-hitters called up if necessary June 18th: Final deadline for submissions!

Rules:

1. Minimum word count for full gift must be 1,000+ words. There is no maximum word count. This represents at least 1-2 solid hours of work for an artist or an editor. 2. You must leave a comment on any gift written for you of at least three lines. 3. Pay attention to your giftee's Do Not Wants, if supplied! 4. Flag early if you need to drop out so a pinch-hitter can be arranged. 5. Do not let your giftee know that you have them until you post your gift! 6. Any questions, let the handers-time moderator know!

[douchebagbrainwaves]

MAKER'S SCHEDULE, 631, BRIEFLY

I'm a writer, and writers always get disproportionate attention. How did they stand it? Their main expenses are setting up the company, which costs a couple thousand Altair owners, but without this software they were programming in machine language. Those ideas are so rare that you can't find some way to reach me, how are you going to create a successful company? For a startup, managing them is one of the first 10 employees you'll have almost as much.1 Families are entitled to their own traditions, and who the competitors are and why this company is going to beat them.2 In the late 90s my professor friends used to complain that they couldn't get grad students, because all the undergrads were going to let hosts rent out space on their floors during conventions. Part of the reason I can't believe it will be more like being able to play the two firms off each other as well as talent, so this answer works out to be important, because a we invest such small amounts, and b we think it's better if startups operate out of their own premises, however crappy, than the offices of their investors.

If you're a freelancer or a small company doesn't ensure freedom.3 What makes a good startup idea, it's sort of like having a guilty conscience about something.4 There's an idea that has turned out to be a startup. For a lot of work.5 Which is exactly how I'd describe the way lions seem in the wild seem about ten times more alive. You probably can't overcome anything so pervasive as the model of work is a job. Don't sit on their boards. What really bothers parents about their teenage kids having sex are complex.6 It's not so much as that they never pander: they never say or do something because that's what the audience wants. So if you're going to optimize a number, the one to choose is your growth rate to compensate. In social settings, I found that I got over 100 other responses listing the surprises they encountered. If you don't understand YC.

At the time any random autobiographical novel by a recent college grad could count on more respectful treatment from the literary establishment. The angel now owns 200/1200 shares, or a job. The kind of question on the application form that asks what you're going to clear these lies out of your head, you're going to clear these lies out of your head, you're going to do, at least, nothing good.7 I often recommend that founders act like consultants—that they wanted to.8 In a startup, you don't even know that.9 If these guys had thought they were starting companies, they might have been.10 Viaweb entirely with angel money; it never occurred to us that investors were too conservative here—that they do what they'd do if they'd been in Nebraska, like Evan Williams was at their age? The saddest windows close when other people die.

And when you propagate that constraint, the result is that each species thrives in groups of a certain group, that seems nearly impossible to shake. Someone who's figured that out will automatically focus more on the idea. The only explanation is: by definition. It's not just a figure of speech to say that the outcome is zero. The artists who benefited most from this were the ones who had preserved a child's confidence, like Klee and Calder. Once you have all the college students, you get rich is that there are many degrees of it. It could be replaced on any of these axes it has already started to be on most. When you're a little kid and you're asked to do something differently.

But not all waste is bad. Later I learned it hadn't been so neat, and the three founders each get 25%. Along with such outright lies, there must have been told a lot of economic history, and I understand the startup world is evolving away from their current model.11 If you seem really good we'll accept you anyway. Even in the rare cases where a clever hack makes your fortune, you probably have an idea.12 At least, that's how we'd describe it in present-day languages, if they'd had them. The way you get taught programming in college would be like teaching writing as grammar, without mentioning that its purpose is to make me feel better. After two years, the un-rapacious that you only extract half as much from users as you could. If you have something that no competitor does and that some subset of users urgently need, you have to seem like you understand technology.13 On that scale, every negotiation is unique.14 I was cynical about VCs, but the way he composed them into molecules was near faultless.15 But unfortunately when you graduate, as long as you want.16

Notes

Thanks to Daniel Sobral for pointing this out. Make it clear when you ad lib you end up reproducing some of the things they've tried on the LL1 mailing list. What you learn in college or what grades you got in them, initially, to sell earlier than you expect. But while this is also a name.

In fact most of them. But try this experiment is that if you conflate them you're aiming at. The worst explosions happen when unpromising-seeming startups do badly.

Y Combinator certainly never asks what classes you took in college. This approach has not worked well, but this would work better, and that modern corporate executives were, we try to accept a particular number.

Aristotle the core: the editor in Lisp, they may try to accept that investors are induced by the surface similarities. Com of their assets; and with that additional constraint, you can't help associating it with such a statement would merely be eccentric.

Most word problems in school math textbooks are bad: Webpig, Webdog, Webfat, Webzit, Webfug. Without the prospect of publication, the assembly line, the closest anyone has come is Secretary of Labor Statistics, about 28%.

I think the usual way to fight. The next time you raise as you can see the apples, they made much of it, and no one who's had the discipline to pull it off. Successful founders are driven by people trying to decide whether to go to college, they would implement it and make a lot of investors caring either.

P nonspam are both genuinely formidable, and the exercise of stock options than any preceding president, he was otherwise unoccupied, to get into the heads of would-be startup founders who had been a good idea to make more money. The best thing for startups is very long: it might take an hour over the Internet, like hedge funds, are available only to buy corporate bonds to market faster; the Reagan administration's comparatively sympathetic attitude toward takeovers; the crowds of shoppers drifting through this huge mall reminded George Romero of zombies. That it might take an hour over the Internet. Yes, I had zero effect on the relative weights?

The VCs recapitalize the company, and yet managed to screw up twice at the data, it's probably good grazing. I should add that we're not. They did turn out to be a win to include things in shows that people start to pull ahead in the field.

Galbraith was clearly puzzled that corporate executives would work so hard to mentally deal with the founders gained from running through their initial attitude. Sparse Binary Polynomial Hash Message Filtering and The Old Way. One thing that drives most people emerge from the moment it's created indeed, from hour to hour that the worm might have done all they could be overcome by changing the shape of the bizarre consequences of this: You may not be far less demand for them.

Indiana University Bloomington 1868-1970.

Trevor Blackwell points out that taking time to come up with an associate cold-emailing a startup could grow big in revenues without including the order of 10,000, because investors already owned more than their competitors, who may have realized this, but simply because he was skeptical about Viaweb too. See Greenspun's Tenth Rule. We just store the data, it's software that doesn't seem to want them; you have significant expenses other than salaries that you decide the price, and for filters it's textual.

P 500 CEOs in the sophomore year. It was only because he had more fun than he'd had in school, and philosophy the imprecise half. The philistines have now missed the video boat entirely.

As we walked out we ran into Yuri Sagalov. Emmett Shear writes: I'd argue the long tail for sports may be common in, you'll have to replace you. It took a painfully long time.

The reason Y Combinator.

This is an instance of a safe will be coordinating efforts among partners. In practice it just feels like a loser they're done, she doesn't like getting attention in the definition of property.

The thing to do sales yourself initially. 5%. At first I didn't care about GPAs.

Thanks to Paul Buchheit, Gary Sabot, Trevor Blackwell, Tiffani Ashley Bell, and Jeff Arnold for sharing their expertise on this topic.

[a-big-apple]

First lines writing meme

Tagged by: @ungarmax <3 <3 <3

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag 10 of your favorite authors!  

I’m going in order from newest to oldest, with links to the fics if you see one you wanna check out!

1. She wakes with a scream lodged in her throat like she’s swallowed a hot coal. (x)

2. Pearl isn’t sure if it’s a benefit or a drawback of married life that she is now deemed too important to be on perpetual rotation as her wife’s only guard. (x)

3. Pearl shifts her weight minutely from foot to foot. (x)

4. There is a house in the woods. (x)

5. Pearl’s office hours are technically over, but there’s always a little more work to be done. (x)

6. Pearl didn’t choose her therapist; the young woman sitting before her with legs crossed and a notebook in her hand was the only therapist at this practice available in a time slot that worked for Pearl’s very busy schedule. (x)

7. After the polls close on the East coast, they gather around the television in the living room to watch results roll in. (x)

8. It’s a little after 11pm when the email from her Robotics and Mechatronics professor comes in. (x)

9. “Have a wonderful time!” calls the Renegade Pearl, waving out the van window. (x)

10. Pearl is elbows deep in soapy dishes when her phone rings, a cheery ukulele tune Steven recorded for her the last time he visited. (x)

11. Pearl’s on the couch reading the newspaper when Steven comes in, hanging his keys on the hook by the door. (x)

12. Bismuth’s been shaping the same delicate finial for at least an hour when her phone chimes in her pocket. (x)

13. If this is going to work, she has to time it just right. (x)

14. Decades ago, video cameras used to have blinking red lights. (x)

15. Once a week, Pearl stops by the Little Homeworld housing office to check the new permanent residence requests. (x)

16. You know, from the moment you are formed, how valuable you are. (x)

17. The beach never really changes. (x)

18. Volleyball is gratifyingly eager and adaptive. (x)

19. They stand together and watch the ocean, Volley’s head on Pearl’s shoulder, for a long time. (x)

20. It's the middle of Earth's night when Volleyball makes her way to the house below the temple. (x)

I wasn’t really consciously aware that I’ve written more than 20 SU fics?? Also, I guess my opening line tactic is to either set the immediate scene, with as much or as little narrative distance as necessary, or to set the theme. A lot of these feel similar to me because I almost always write in present tense and either third person limited or second person limited... maybe I should try something else once in a while LMAO

Tagging, if you want to: @runrundoyourstuff @mimik-u @jeejyboard @supey @kirric-the-fan @pearldefiance @inkera0 @gyros-zeppelis @coffee-b @water-draws-gals are the first ten who popped into my brain but other mutuals should consider yourselves tagged if this seems fun!

[bitoffairydust]

Yesterday we came home from the hospital as a family of three.

Things haven’t been super smooth sailing, nor did I expect them to be, but our little one is doing well and I’m healing fine so that’s really all we could ask for.

Wednesday was a bit of a whirlwind. I was scheduled to go into the hospital for my induction at 5, so we spent the morning doing a bit of last minute clean up around the place. Then around 12, someone from L&D called and said if we were available to come in earlier, we could just show up whenever. We still had a few things to finish up so we had lunch, I took a shower while my wife did the dishes, then she took a shower and got the cats set up for a few days home alone before we called an Uber to head to the hospital.

We got there around 3:30-4 so not super early but they got us into the delivery rooms right away and someone came over to go over a few questions (medical stuff and what I was hoping for with the birth). I got hooked up to the contraction and fetal heartbeat monitors, they got my IV line in, and then we went over the induction options for me. Based on my last check up, I was about 1.5 cm dilated, so before anything else they had to get me to about 3 cm, which they offered to do with either the foley balloon or misoprostol. Then the plan was to start me on oxytocin to get contractions going. I requested the miso, cause I figured there would be enough things going in and out of my vagina for the evening without an additional thing thrown in there 😅

It actually took a little while for the induction to start because as it turns out, three people (myself included) showed up for their induction within 5 minutes of each other and I was the last so it was closer to 7 before the resident came to examine me. In doing so they found I had actually progressed to 3 cm on my own since my last appointment so they were able to just get me started up on oxytocin.

Contractions started up pretty much instantly but they were very manageable. I’d say just from the oxy progression, the worst contraction I got was maybe a 5 on the scale from 1 to 10. Then they ran through the dosage and did another exam to see where I was at. They didn’t give an exact number then but I think it was somewhere between 4 and 5 cm. Before starting me up on another dosage of oxytocin, they went ahead and tried to break my water as it hadn’t yet. They didn’t actually manage to fully get it, and honestly, at that point, them trying to get it to break was actually more painful than the contractions I’d experienced that far.

That changed pretty fast once they established they’d gotten enough of the membranes for the time being. I’m fuzzy on the timeline but I think it must have been close to 10 at that point, and the pain level climbed very quickly along with contraction intensity and frequency. I tried to bounce on a ball for a bit and the nurse showed my wife some pressure points to try and help with the pain but it did nothing. Around 10:30 I requested the epidural, which was unfortunate timing on my part as the anesthesiologist had just gone in to assist with a c-section. By the time she was out and got to my room it was about 11:30 and pain was an easy 10 on the scale with contractions maybe a minute and a half apart.

The epidural itself went in pretty smoothly but at first there wasn’t much to be said for relief. Since they mentioned it could take 15 minutes to really be felt I didn’t think much of it, and I did feel like things were getting a bit better as minutes passed. The last contraction I was asked about felt more back down to a 5 on the pain scale so the anesthesiologist left. Unfortunately, that 5 turned out to be a fluke because pain shot back up pretty quickly and I was soon at a 10 again, no matter the dosage boosts.

That part was quite honestly the worst of it all, having expected some sort of relief and finding it to be just as worse as before. To make it worse, baby was not handling those contractions well. His heart beat would drop with the start of each contraction, though it picked up before the end of them so though they wanted to keep an eye on it it wasn’t cause for intervention yet. The nurse monitored his heart rate with me laying flat on my back, on my right side, on my left side and then sitting straight up. The latter was the slightly better option for him, but definitely did nothing to help my pain management. She did get me back on my back to try and relieve me a bit since the difference to the effect on baby wasn’t huge but at that point contractions were relentless. I was dealing with back labor contractions, which were maybe a minute apart, and because they suspected the placenta had detached a bit when they tried to break my water, when a contraction would subside, the pain in my abdomen would become more prominent and almost to the same level. It made it feel like I was contracting non stop with no break for catching my breath or trying to recuperate.

Around 2 in the morning there were a few people in the room examining me and trying to figure out the best course of action. A C-section being needed started being mentioned if things didn’t improve, but I was at a little more than 9 cm by then. The OB and the anesthesiologist had a talk outside the room and decided to re-do my epidural as it had clearly failed (they did an ice test and it was clear I wasn’t frozen anywhere at all), and if I were to end up needing a c-section, I’d have to have it redone anyway.

She took two tries to get everything situated in my back. That second try did the trick. I don’t think I can even describe the amount of relief when my foot started feeling warm and then going numb, and within maybe 5 minutes it was amazingly painless. They did another ice test and this time I felt no cold at all anywhere, and when the nurse pointed out I’d just had a contraction it cemented it because I’d not felt it at all. The only thing I could feel at that point was a bit of abdominal pressure every now and then. And I will say, I did have a great team with me. Everyone was very empathetic and trying their best to get me to feel some form of relief before the second epidural. And they seemed almost as relieved as me when that last one finally worked - especially because after that baby’s heart stabilized.

By the time the epidural was done, even though they figured I had likely progressed to 10 cm, they elected to let me rest for a bit, and give baby a chance to keep making his way down, so I got to catch a breather until about 4 am. Then they told me it was time to try and start pushing, with the nurse guiding me since I still couldn’t feel any sort of contraction. I pushed through maybe four or five contractions without huge progress, and the OB came in to assess and established baby needed a bit of help coming out. They set up the forceps and had me push through another couple of contractions, but they were pretty week and hard to catch even for the nurse by then, and baby’s heart rate was starting to struggle again. So they got on the phone to get a room prepped for c-section, and the doctor told me I would get to push through one last contraction, but if nothing happened we’d have to go into surgery.

The nurse tried to wait for a good one (she had already reupped the oxytocin drip at that point) and by some miracle, the next push for his head half out and with the second one it was completely out. The rest of his body followed quickly and before I had even caught up with it all, I had his tiny little body on me.

Even though they’d brought someone in from the NICU just to be safe, he ended up being perfectly okay. I needed a bit more attention because I had more bleeding than normal, and I had to have 4 stitches and another IV line put in to help with the blood loss. Then we stayed in the delivery room until about 6 at which point we were brought over to our postpartum room.

Since then nursing has undoubtedly been the biggest challenge. He did have a tongue tie, but he struggled from the get go. He would latch well but lose it and then get frustrated and cry. He also is a very lazy eater - I’d spend easily 30-45 minutes per side trying to get him to stay aware long enough to take in maybe 15 minutes of proper feeding, but he’d start smacking his lips practically the moment he was done, and he’d wake up hungry again within the hour.

Unfortunately there was no lactation consultant on staff as she was on vacation this week. People commented time and time again about how I had no supply issue, and his latch (when he was latched) was good, but it didn’t seem to help. I also felt I kept getting conflicting information as one moment he’d have crystals in his urine to indicate potential dehydration, and the next they’d be telling me he had barely loss any of his birth weight and was perfectly on target for that.

We did decide to get his tongue tie cut as it seemed to really be frustrating him at feeds and make it harder for my breast to properly fit into his mouth. The feed that followed the cut was easily the best we’ve had to date, but unfortunately it went downhill from there. After we got home and I tried to feed him last night, he did fine on the right side but then only lasted 10 minutes on the left and then lost it, started to scream and wouldn’t latch again. I haven’t been able to make him latch on the left side since, and I only managed to get him latched to the right a couple more times before we ran in the same problem, so we had to go ahead and start giving him bottles. I’ll be trying to work through it with a lactation consultant as soon as possible, and I’ve now started pumping, but in the meantime, him being properly fed was the biggest thing.

He does also have a small fracture on his right clavicle, likely from the forceps, but the pediatrician said that will resolve on its own within the week. In the meantime we just have to be very cautious how we move his right arm, and she prescribed him Tylenol if need be.

In the meantime we’re just trying to settle down to our new sleep deprived routine. But then looking into all the sweet, funny faces he makes both when asleep and awake makes it feel pretty worth it.

- Marie

[promosfree576]

Bankroll For $25 Blackjack

on

Bankroll For $25 Blackjack Free

Bankroll For $25 Blackjack Online

Bankroll For $25 Blackjack Game

Proper bankroll management is one of the most commonly overlooked aspects of blackjack. It’s unfortunate because almost all casino blackjack players could greatly benefit from some basic bankroll management.

Let’s look at how to build and maintain a healthy blackjack bankroll.

What Is a Blackjack Bankroll?

So, what is a blackjack bankroll?

Here are some tips for building and maintaining a healthy blackjack bankroll even if you’re new to the game. Blackjack on the Vegas Strip ain’t what it used to be. Sure, it’s the most played game in casinos. There are more blackjack tables on the Vegas Strip than any other game. According to the Nevada Gaming Control Board, there were 1,196 blackjack tables on the Vegas Strip as of December 2019.That’s slightly more than 40% of the 2,850 table games in the tourist corridor. Applying the proper blackjack bankroll management system can make all the difference between having an enjoyable playing session or a disappointing playing session where at the end of it you are playing with limited money and you are unable to split hands or double up simply because you do not have enough money to cover the extra bets.

Your blackjack bankroll or gambling bankroll is money that you have specifically set aside for the purposes of gambling. In this instance, it’s specifically for playing real money blackjack.

It’s important to eliminate any notion that extra cash sitting in your bank account for incidentals or any funds that aren’t expressly set aside for playing blackjack are part of your blackjack bankroll.

Your bankroll needs to be set aside completely. Many gamblers will open a separate bank account that is only for their gambling bankroll.

There are plenty of 3:2 blackjack games in downtown Las Vegas. Many of those games have a minimum wager under $25. When you head over to the Vegas Strip there are more casinos but there might be fewer 3:2 blackjack games with a minimum wager under $25 available. $25 limits are important for most recreational gamblers. In their pursuit of learning perfect blackjack strategy, some players often neglect to cover bankroll management. But just like with any other casino game, blackjack bankroll management is extremely important, and something that players should definitely study extensively.

Others put the money in a jar or bank bag and stuff it in a closet or bury it in their yard. I’m not sure where they put it, but it’s probably best off in the bank.

Having your gambling bankroll in a bank will make it much easier to view from your mobile app and quickly transfer funds into the bankroll on whatever schedule you set.

This also eliminates the urge to grab $50 out of your bankroll when you want to enjoy a round of golf or go out for drinks with friends. You may think never, but it can be rather easy to slowly dip into your blackjack bankroll when Amazon blasts you with Facebook ads about whatever you happen to be thinking about. Cue The X-Files music.

It’s also important not to go the other direction. If you have $1000 in your bank account and $975 in bills coming due, you don’t have a blackjack bankroll.

I’ve seen too many gamblers push rent back a week or shuffle their bills to accommodate their gambling. If it’s not a problem immediately, it’s not far from being there.

Bankroll For $25 Blackjack Free

To reiterate, a blackjack bankroll is money that is expressly and unequivocally set aside for gambling purposes.

That’s not to say you shouldn’t dip into it if there’s an emergency. Like your power being turned off or no groceries in the house, but you should absolutely never go the other direction.

Useful Tips for Building a Blackjack Bankroll

Building a healthy blackjack bankroll takes time and careful consideration. The most disciplined gamblers take the proper steps in finding exactly how they can add money to their bankroll.

One of the best ways to quickly build a blackjack bankroll is to set up a deposit schedule for yourself. This schedule will be completely unique to you and your financial situation.

Most people are paid on a twice a month schedule. Hence, many gamblers will commit to adding to their bankroll every 2 weeks or 15 days.

Setting up your bankroll deposit schedule on your paydays is a great way to increase your blackjack bankroll steadily.

However, you may have significantly more bills coming up near the 1st of the month. In this case, it’ll be better to set up a once a month deposit schedule.

The important thing is to only put money into your bankroll that you can afford to lose on the casino floor.

Some players may not have extra money for varying reasons after all bills and living expenses are paid. It’s a common issue facing many Americans and isn’t unique to casino gamblers at all.

If you fall into this category or simply want to add more to your bankroll than your current salary allows, don’t fret. Getting a part-time job is perfect for earning extra cash.

I have a friend who’s still in school and was having a difficult time-saving money for an upcoming gambling trip.

He started working a few nights a week for one of the food delivery services, and in less than 2 months, he was able to save over $1500.

It wasn’t the massive wad of cash he had hoped to take with him, but he was able to bring almost all of it home.

He’s continued to grow on that initial nest egg, and it’s primed for his next casino adventure.

Why Many Players Lose

Most blackjack players lose because they aren’t playing the game correctly. They either refuse to play basic strategy or don’t know it exists.

Either way, learning to play blackjack with the proper strategy will be vital for maintaining a blackjack bankroll.

Players will often fall into a trap of playing way too many hands. On a typical blackjack table with 3 other players, you’ll be playing 40 hands per hour.

If you’re at a table with only 2 players, that number jumps to nearly double. When you’re playing twice as many hands per hour, you’re going to be losing faster.

For obvious reasons, this can have devastating effects on your blackjack bankroll.

You won’t be allowed to slow play the table in any respectable casino, nor will you necessarily be rushed. Still, take your time on each hand. You shouldn’t be in any hurry to get the game moving.

Try to find nearly full tables; you’ll be playing much fewer hands per hour, which will greatly extend your blackjack bankroll.

Setting alarms on your phone or smartwatch can be a brilliant way to remember to take breaks. These breaks will give you chances to take a breath away from the table.

Use this time to clear your head, use the restroom, grab a snack, or check your e-mail. It really doesn’t matter; it only matters that you don’t mindlessly play hand after hand.

Why Bankroll Management Is Vital

Bankroll management is vital because this is the single biggest factor in how much time you’ll be able to spend on the casino floor.

After you’ve built a solid gambling bankroll, you need to decide what denomination you will be playing in the casino. Let’s use my friend’s $1500 as an example.

For a 3-day trip, he had $1500, or $500 per day. Let’s say he wants to play for $25 per hand. We can assume he’ll be playing 40 hands per hour and, although he’s a basic strategy player, we’ll give him the standard 1%.

So, 40 hands at $25 per hand, he’s putting $1000 per hour in play. The house edge is going to take 1% or $10.

It’s clear to see that he’ll have no problems playing blackjack to his heart’s content. Even if he encounters an extended negative swing, his bankroll will carry him.

Knowing how much you can afford to play is probably one of the biggest keys to becoming a successful casino gambler. When you drain the bankroll to zero, you’re out of the game and forced to the sidelines until you build your blackjack bankroll back up.

You may have noticed that I immediately split his $1500 into 3 equal amounts, one for each day of his trip if you walk through the casino doors with a total of $500 for 3 days and decide to play for $50 per hand. You’ll likely be broke in under 4 hours and forced to spend 2 days at the pool.

Become a master of managing every aspect of your blackjack bankroll, and you’ll become a much more successful casino gambler.

Keys to Maintaining a Healthy Blackjack Bankroll

Now that I’ve walked you through the building and protecting your blackjack bankroll let’s look at some keys to take with you to the table.

After all, nothing will do your blackjack bankroll more good than actually winning on the tables.

Bankroll For $25 Blackjack Online

The best way to do that in blackjack is by playing the basic blackjack strategy on every single hand. When you play the game this way, you actually cut the house edge to only about 0.5%.

That makes blackjack one of the best games on the floor for the casino.

Basic strategy can be touted and promoted on and on, but I’ll leave it at the following. If you aren’t playing basic strategy, you’re leaving money on the table.

Paying close attention to the table rules can also be vital for your blackjack bankroll. Not all casinos are created equal, and neither are blackjack tables.

Some games will only pay 6:5 for a blackjack instead of the more standard 3:2. Anytime you see 6:5, you should run, not walk in your search for a different table.

The 6:5 blackjack is so bad that you’re better off playing craps, baccarat, roulette, or Pai Gow Poker than blackjack.

This is non-negotiable. It’s better to simply find another casino with better rules than playing on a table that pays 6:5 for a blackjack.

Conclusion

You must learn how to build and maintain a healthy blackjack bankroll. Taking the proper time and care in this initial step can put you on a lifelong success course.

Keep in mind that your blackjack bankroll will determine how much you can play in the casino and, ultimately, how much you can win.

Bankroll For $25 Blackjack Game

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[papermoonloveslucy]

VACATION TIME

April 29, 1949

“Vacation Time” (aka “Trailer Vacation to Goosegrease Lake”) is episode #41 of the radio series MY FAVORITE HUSBAND broadcast on April 29, 1949 on the CBS radio network.

Synopsis ~ It's vacation time, and Liz and George have decidedly different plans. He wants to go camping with a trailer he borrowed from a friend, while she's set on a glamorous vacation at Moosehead Lodge.

This episode later partly inspired the premise of “Liz Learns To Swim” aired on June 11, 1950. 

“My Favorite Husband” was based on the novels Mr. and Mrs. Cugat, the Record of a Happy Marriage (1940) and Outside Eden (1945) by Isabel Scott Rorick, which had previously been adapted into the film Are Husbands Necessary? (1942). “My Favorite Husband” was first broadcast as a one-time special on July 5, 1948. Lucille Ball and Lee Bowman played the characters of Liz and George Cugat, and a positive response to this broadcast convinced CBS to launch “My Favorite Husband” as a series. Bowman was not available Richard Denning was cast as George. On January 7, 1949, confusion with bandleader Xavier Cugat prompted a name change to Cooper. On this same episode Jell-O became its sponsor. A total of 124 episodes of the program aired from July 23, 1948 through March 31, 1951. After about ten episodes had been written, writers Fox and Davenport departed and three new writers took over – Bob Carroll, Jr., Madelyn Pugh, and head writer/producer Jess Oppenheimer. In March 1949 Gale Gordon took over the existing role of George’s boss, Rudolph Atterbury, and Bea Benaderet was added as his wife, Iris. CBS brought “My Favorite Husband” to television in 1953, starring Joan Caulfield and Barry Nelson as Liz and George Cooper. The television version ran two-and-a-half seasons, from September 1953 through December 1955, running concurrently with “I Love Lucy.” It was produced live at CBS Television City for most of its run, until switching to film for a truncated third season filmed (ironically) at Desilu and recasting Liz Cooper with Vanessa Brown.

MAIN CAST

Lucille Ball (Liz Cooper) was born on August 6, 1911 in Jamestown, New York. She began her screen career in 1933 and was known in Hollywood as ‘Queen of the B’s’ due to her many appearances in ‘B’ movies. With Richard Denning, she starred in a radio program titled “My Favorite Husband” which eventually led to the creation of “I Love Lucy,” a television situation comedy in which she co-starred with her real-life husband, Latin bandleader Desi Arnaz. The program was phenomenally successful, allowing the couple to purchase what was once RKO Studios, re-naming it Desilu. When the show ended in 1960 (in an hour-long format known as “The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour”) so did Lucy and Desi’s marriage. In 1962, hoping to keep Desilu financially solvent, Lucy returned to the sitcom format with “The Lucy Show,” which lasted six seasons. She followed that with a similar sitcom “Here’s Lucy” co-starring with her real-life children, Lucie and Desi Jr., as well as Gale Gordon, who had joined the cast of “The Lucy Show” during season two. Before her death in 1989, Lucy made one more attempt at a sitcom with “Life With Lucy,” also with Gordon.

Richard Denning (George Cooper) was born Louis Albert Heindrich Denninger Jr., in Poughkeepsie, New York. When he was 18 months old, his family moved to Los Angeles. Plans called for him to take over his father’s garment manufacturing business, but he developed an interest in acting. Denning enlisted in the US Navy during World War II. He is best known for his  roles in various science fiction and horror films of the 1950s. Although he teamed with Lucille Ball on radio in “My Favorite Husband,” the two never acted together on screen. While “I Love Lucy” was on the air, he was seen on another CBS TV series, “Mr. & Mrs. North.” From 1968 to 1980 he played the Governor on “Hawaii 5-0″, his final role. He died in 1998 at age 84.

Bea Benadaret (Iris Atterbury) and Gale Gordon (Rudolph Atterbury) do not appear in this episode. 

Ruth Perrott (Katie, the Maid) was also later seen on “I Love Lucy.” She first played Mrs. Pomerantz (above right), a member of the surprise investigating committee for the Society Matrons League in “Pioneer Women” (ILL S1;E25), as one of the member of the Wednesday Afternoon Fine Arts League in “Lucy and Ethel Buy the Same Dress” (ILL S3;E3), and also played a nurse when “Lucy Goes to the Hospital” (ILL S2;E16). She died in 1996 at the age of 96.

Bob LeMond (Announcer) also served as the announcer for the pilot episode of “I Love Lucy”. When the long-lost pilot was finally discovered in 1990, a few moments of the opening narration were damaged and lost, so LeMond – fifty years later – recreated the narration for the CBS special and subsequent DVD release.

GUEST CAST

Frank Nelson (Policeman) was born on May 6, 1911 (three months before Lucille Ball) in Colorado Springs, Colorado. He started working as a radio announcer at the age of 15. He later appeared on such popular radio shows as “The Great Gildersleeve,” “Burns and Allen,” and “Fibber McGee & Molly”. This is one of his 11 performances on “My Favorite Husband.”  On “I Love Lucy” he holds the distinction of being the only actor to play two recurring roles: Freddie Fillmore and Ralph Ramsey, as well as six one-off characters, including the frazzled train conductor in “The Great Train Robbery” (ILL S5;E5), a character he repeated on “The Lucy Show.”  Aside from Lucille Ball, Nelson is perhaps most associated with Jack Benny and was a fifteen-year regular on his radio and television programs.  

Wally Maher (Joe Risley) was born on August 4, 1908 in Cincinnati, Ohio. He was known for Mystery Street (1950), The Reformer and the Redhead (1950) and Hollywood Hotel (1937). He was heard with Lucille Ball in the Lux Radio Theatre version of “The Dark Corner” (1947), taking the role originated on film by William Bendix. He died on December 27, 1951.

Milton Stark (Filling Station Attendant) was a theatre actor and director, who also appeared on radio and television, although usually in supporting roles.  He also worked as a dialogue coach and acting teacher. At UCLA a scholarship was established in his name. He lived to the age of 103. 

EPISODE

ANNOUNCER: “As we look in on the Coopers, it is a cold rainy afternoon, but Liz is in her bedroom standing in front of the mirror wearing a back-less, strapless sun dress.” 

Liz calls Katie in to show off her sun dress, but Katie is disapproving that is so revealing.  Liz has shopped for summer vacation clothes.  Liz’s bathing suit cost’s forty dollars. 

KATIE: “That’s a lot of money for two doilies and a diaper.” 

Liz says that husbands only approve of scanty swimsuits when they are on any woman but their wives. 

LIZ: “I want to look good for George. He’s going to see a lot of me this summer.” KATIE: “He’s not the only one!”  

The topic of revealing bathing suits was later also mined for comedy on “I Love Lucy.”  In “Off To Florida” (ILL S6;E6) Ricky thinks Lucy’s new skimpy new swimsuit is for Little Ricky!  Lucy also buys a swimsuit that Ricky feels is too skimpy when shopping for their California trip in “Getting Ready” (ILL S4;E11)

Liz says they are going to Moosehead Lodge on Lake Okeechobee. Liz calls it a real swanky place.  Katie reminds Liz that George prefers more rugged vacations.  Liz says she will suggest it to George at dinner. 

Lake Okeechobee is a real place, located in central Florida, although it is far more conducive to George’s type of vacation than Liz’s, highlighting nature through fishing and nature.  

Although there are places called Moosehead Lodge in America, it unlikely that a moose would be associated with central Florida and that it would be an upscale resort of the type Liz is describing. 

At the bank, George talks to his co-worker Joe about scheduling vacations.  Joe says that his ideal vacation is in a trailer.  If George likes the idea, he will lend the Coopers his trailer.  George will suggest it to Liz at dinner. 

After dinner, both Liz and George get cozy with the idea of easing the other into going on their dream destination.  Liz ‘just happened’ to hear about a place that she vaguely remembers. 

LIZ: “I did hear of some place called Moosehead Lodge. It’s probably situated in groves of stately pines, on the shores of an emerald green lake, its rustic beauty enhanced by lawns and flower beds. Each luxurious room is furnished with clean, comfortable box spring beds, modern bathroom and shower. Ten dollars a day, American plan. Oh, George, let’s go there. We can relax and enjoy a continual round of  glorious entertainment, sports, good food, and true fellowship, see your travel agent for details.”

George realizes that Liz has been plotting a vacation.  George says he has a better idea - two weeks in a trailer.  Liz is less than keen. George says that they can borrow Joe Risley’s trailer!

LIZ: “Keen with mud on it.”

Liz is worried that nobody will see her new vacation wardrobe if they are cooped up in a trailer.  They are at an impasse.  Liz suggests they go on separate vacations.  When George reluctantly agrees, she breaks down in tears.  

Liz moans to Katie that she already misses George, and the vacation doesn’t begin for two months.  George phones from work to talk to Liz.  George offers a compromise.  They will take a trial weekend trip in the trailer, and if she doesn’t like it, he will go to Moosehead Lodge!

Vacationing in a trailer was explored by Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz in their 1953 comedy MGM’s The Long Long Trailer.  The film mines a lot of physical comedy from the trailer’s unwieldy movement and how Lucy’s character Tacy Bolton copes with it. 

ANNOUNCER: “George is just driving up with the trailer hooked up to the back of the car.”

Liz remarks how small the trailer is.  

GEORGE: “Keep an open mind.” LIZ: “I’ll have to close it or it won’t fit in that trailer.” 

They tour the inside, which is smaller than Liz thought.  Just then, a knock at the trailer door and there’s a policeman (Frank Nelson) issuing them a parking ticket! Forty bucks for parking illegally!

The next morning George and Liz get an early start on their trial trailer trip.  Liz has brought along a little light reading for the trip: “Inside Moosehead Lodge” by Liz Gunther. 

Motoring along the highway, George is enjoying the drive. 

LIZ: “Travel is great. I wouldn’t go anywhere without it.”

George says it is so smooth, you wouldn’t even know the trailer is back there.  Liz notices that it isn’t!  George forgot to hook it on!   Finally, they are off (again) to Goosegrease Lake. Liz reads one of those sequential signs along the roadside: “If Your Whiskers...  Won’t Behave... Take a Tip Use....”  Liz goes silent. 

GEORGE: “Use what?”  LIZ: “The last sign’s torn down. Now we’ll never know.” 

Almost everyone in the audience knew it was Burma-Shave.  From 1926 until 1963 the ‘brushless’ shaving cream company dotted the American highways with small red signs, each containing a line of a short rhyme that the driver could read without slowing down as they drove by.  At one time, there were over 600 different rhymes on signs!  

The idea was given a nod on a 1955 “I Love Lucy” episode “First Stop” (ILL S4;E14) with the roadside signs for Aunt Polly’s Pecan Pralines. 

LUCY: Fifty miles to Aunt Sally’s Pecan Pralines. later... LUCY: 300 yards to Aunt Sally’s! ETHEL: 200 yards! FRED: 100 yards! RICKY: Just around the bend! LUCY: You have just passed Aunt Sally’s. 

Liz is quite sure that George’s shortcut has gotten them lost. They stop to ask directions from a laid back filling station attendant (Milton Stark) who tells them they don’t want to go to Goosegrease Lake.  He suggests they go to the hot springs, instead. 

Oops! Milton Stark has trouble pronouncing ‘Goosegrease’ and  the audience is aware of his flub. When he asks Lucille Ball “What ya gonna do there?” She deliberately says “We’re gonna goose a grease”, instead of “grease a goose”, which causes more giggles from the cast and gales of laughter from the audience. 

FILLING STATION ATTENDANT: “You can’t get there from here!”

Next morning Liz wakes up and looks around.  She sees beautiful green grass and a little flag with the number 18 on it!  A golf ball comes crashing through the window. The policeman from who ticketed them earlier knocks on the trailer door. They have illegally camped out on the 18th green of the municipal golf course - only two miles from home!  Liz said they didn’t know where they were going. 

POLICEMAN: “Do you know where you’re going now?” LIZ: “Yes!  To Moosehead Lodge!” POLICEMAN: “No, to the city jail! Come on!”

End of Episode

[perregrinstudiessometimes]

Study tips/school advice

1- Once you get your syllabi put all of the due dates in your calendar

2- Make an assignment sheet for each class that you can look at throughout the year

3- Make a full assignment sheet with all due dates from all of your classes (organized by date)

4- Don’t be afraid to email your professors if you have a question that you can’t answer on your own

5- Be sure to send thank you emails to your professor when they help you with something

6- Don’t be afraid to go to your professor’s office hours. They exist for a reason (if you are not available during the professor’s office hours email them to find a time when you are both free)  

7- Check your email! Seriously just do it! Check at least once a day! (but preferably more!)

8- If you don’t understand something do your best to get a good understanding of it as (if you have the same bad luck as I do) the one thing you don’t understand will most likely show up on the test. Don’t just hope it won’t show up on the test!

9- Don’t cram before an exam! Schedule your time so that you can relax/rest the night before the test (I will admit I normally take a glance over my notes the morning of the exam, but this is used as a refresher not an attempt for last-minute learning.

10- I see a lot of people suggest that you read through the whole exam before answering any questions. I would not recommend this as most exams are timed. Instead, I would suggest going through the exam in order skipping questions you don’t know to come back to later. (this way you can maximize the number of questions you get to that you do know the answer to without wasting time)

11- Over prepare for every test!

12- Take a mental note of how prepared you feel before a test/exam and the grade you make on said test/exam. The goal is to be able to have a pretty good guess as to what you will make on the test/exam based on how prepared you feel.

13- Use a final grade calculator (or this one) to see what you have to make on a final exam to get the grade you want (this is helpful to know what classes you will need to study more for)

14- Don’t skip class unless you absolutely have too. Showing up is half the battle.

15- On the first few days of each class wear layers because you never know how hot/cold each class will be. Take note of the temperature in each class and plan accordingly as the class goes on.

16- Show up to class a few minutes early (don’t bother showing up very early as the class before yours will probably still be in session, but you also don’t want to accidentally be late)

17- In class sit where is best for you (this will take some trial and error) I personally prefer to sit 2-3 rows back against the wall)

18- Write the date at the top of each of your papers (notes and handouts) this will make it easier to know what to study when your professor says the exam will cover everything from date A to date B.

19- Take class notes in your own words. If you can’t write it in your own words than you don’t understand it.

20- Learn and use abbreviations [here is @studyquirks post about it] and make your own for words you write often

21- read ahead in the textbooks so you will have a basic understanding when your professors bring a topic up.

22- Start studying from day one (even if it feels like there isn’t enough to go over)

23- Have specific goals for each study session.  

24- Know your learning style and use it to your advantage

25- Find out what time of day you study best (for me this is first thing in the morning and around 3-6pm)

26- Don’t skip studying a section/subject just because you don’t find it interesting. Give each subject the time it deserves.

27- Get dressed to study (there is something about having shoes on that makes me feel productive)

28- This is a link to my main study method

29- Recall is the most important aspect of studying (as it is what you will have to do for a test)

30- Study what you are weakest on most but don’t neglect stuff that you already know. Review everything at least once.

31- Make the term memorable to YOU (for example I can remember what quid-pro-quo means because I have a trump voice in my head say “quid-pro-quo I’d like a favor though”)

32- Quizlet doesn’t work for me. The act of making physical flashcards helps me learn

33- Don’t make flashcards for things you already know

34- If you need a quick basic understanding of something to google the topic followed by “for kids” (example moon phases for kids)

35- If you get distracted while studying write down the distraction and promise yourself, you will deal with it during a break/ when you are done studying.

36- STOP MULTITASKING! Seriously you will get stuff done quicker if you give each task your full attention.

37- Studying is not a competition. (I see people on Tumblr/Instagram almost bragging about how long they study for, sometimes claiming 9+ hours, a day. This is not realistic!) remember quality over quantity.  

38- Do the homework even if it isn’t graded. It will help you.

39- Make new deadlines for projects to make sure the projects get done on time (I usually set the new due take 3-7 days before the actual due date)

40- Start long term assignments within 3 days of it being assigned

41- Do all of your assignments (I often see people say it’s okay to skip a few assignments) in my opinion it is better to turn in a rushed/half-assed assignment than to have a 0 in the grade book.

42- When writing an opinion piece, you don’t have to write about your opinion (although you will probably enjoy writing about your own opinion more.)

43- If you plan on studying at the library find the least populated area (for my school this is the second floor)

44- Try and avoid the school’s library during exam season as it tends to get busy (instead try other places on campus, the public library, or a coffee shop)

45- Page flags/tabs/sticky notes are useful. Use them.

46- I prefer to use highlighters to underline rather than highlight the normal way. (the normal way makes it harder to reread as your eye is drawn to the highlighted portion)

47- Don’t over highlight (instead highlight small sections/words and expand on it in your own words in the margins/ on sticky notes)

48- When reading write summaries on sticky notes (keep these summaries concise and to the point)

59- When reading to take notes (such as from as a textbook) skim the section before doing a deep read (where you highlight/annotate) as it is difficult to know if a sentence is important without context.

50- When doing required readings for classes take detailed notes and summaries the reading in your own words both to help you understand the reading and so you can look back at the summaries when you need a refresher (like before an exam)  

51- If you know you will be asked to write about the reading keep a list of quotes (with page numbers) and a description of why the quote is important/relevant

52- If you are reading a whole book, make sure to make summaries for each chapter and keep track of plot points (for when you are making an overall summary of the book/reading.

53- In short summarize! Summarize! Summarize!

54- ALL NIGHTERS ARE A WASTE OF TIME! Try and avoid them at all costs. Plan your time effectively and you won’t have to pull all-nighters.

55- Use a website like google drive or one drive to keep all of the assignments you are currently working on, so you don’t have to worry about carrying around a flash drive.

56- Give yourself a day off once a week where you don’t work on anything school-related (for me this is Sunday)

57- Use alarms to remind you to do things/ get you to do things (I use silent alarms on my watch to remind me when to leave so I can make it to my next class etc)

58- Study groups don’t work for me and I have found that they are a waste of my time.

59- Keep a list of all the places to study around campus for when the library is closed/busy

60- The Pomodoro method doesn’t work on me. I focus too much on how much time is left and not enough on my studies

61- Try a social media break

62- Mind maps don’t work for me. I find it much more effective to use a linear progression of thoughts

63- Don’t feel like you have to join clubs if you don’t want to.

64- Give yourself incentives (ex if I make a B+ or higher on this paper I will plan a movie night with friends, although don’t disregard pleasure if you don’t do well on a test/paper)

65- Clean your desk/study area every time you are done using it

66- Follow the two-minute rule, if it can be done in two minutes do it right then (don’t follow this while studying just write down a list of everything that needs to be done and do them once your study session is over)

67- Don’t rely on motivation. Rely on discipline. Be a parent to yourself.

68- Eat breakfast if you can (I know eating early upsets some people’s stomach) and always pack a snack in case you don’t have time for lunch    

69- Try to carry as little as possible in your bag (if you can’t avoid carrying multiple textbooks try carrying one/some textbooks in your arms to help distribute the weight)

70- Keep a water bottle, chargers for all of your electronics, all the pens/highlighters, and study materials you will needs in your study area (so you won’t be tempted to get up and walk away from your studies)  

71- Keep just one folder in your bag for all of the handouts you are given throughout the day. Organize these papers by class/topic/chapter when you get home

72- Clean out your bag often (I clean out mine every day)

73- Remember the best tips are the ones that work for you!!!!

[basketofverbiage]

A New Beginning

Hi everyone! I’m sorry for not really posting in a long time. I had some serious depression/creativity issues. But here is a second part that I had never planned to write for Angels Calling. 

Angels Calling

Dasom was dressed in a tiny school uniform and was tugging Hoseok along by the hand in her excitement to get through the doors of her school.

“Come on, Appa! I don’t want to be late!” she said, tugging harder at his hand in an effort to try to make him move faster.

“Okay, okay, Somie! Calm down. We have plenty of time,” he chuckled.

She was clearly ready for her first day of school. When they reached the door of her classroom, he knelt down in front of her and handed her a bright pink lunchbox before pulling her close for a hug.

“Have a great first day of school, Somie. I’ll come pick you up later today,” he said into her hair, giving her one tighter squeeze before letting her go.

“I love you, Appa. Don’t forget me!”

Hoseok’s eyes popped open as the dream faded, and he smiled sadly at the ceiling. Dasom had not lived long enough to have her first day of school. She would have started school in a few weeks at the elementary school a few blocks from his apartment building. He took a deep breath and held it for a moment until the ache in his chest was less debilitating.

“I could never forget you, baby,” he whispered to the darkness in his room before getting out of bed to walk into the bathroom.

He turned the water on in the shower to heat up while he brushed his teeth and tried to focus on beginning his day. Hoseok had woken up 45 minutes before his alarm, but the small chance that he might fall back into the dream kept him awake. He didn’t dream of his dead daughter often, but when he did, after waking up from that sort of dreams, he felt her absence so strongly for several days. He showered as quickly as possible then dried off mostly. He slipped on a pair of underwear and walked into the kitchen to make coffee. Hoseok was just pouring the fresh brew into his mug when the front door clicked open.

“Hey, baby! You’re up early,” Y/n greeted while slipping off her shoes. “I had a death visit, and I’ve been there for the last several hours.”

Y/n was a hospice nurse who had taken care of Dasom. During the time she’d helped with caring for his daughter, they’d grown close and then had fallen in love slowly in the year after her death. After Dasom had been gone for a year and a half, Hoseok asked her to move in with him since she was spending most of her spare time and at least 4 nights a week with him anyway. They had been happily living together for just under a year now. Their lives had seamlessly melded together in a way that no one expected. Hoseok had thought they would at least fight or argue occasionally, but it had not really been an issue for them. They just clicked in a nearly supernatural way.

He turned and hugged her when she walked into the kitchen and stole a sip of his coffee. “Did it go well?”

She hummed happily, taking another sip of his coffee before returning the cup and kissing his cheek. “Yeah. The patient was comfortable and died peacefully in their sleep. The family was sad, but they were exhausted since they’d been waiting by their bedside for almost two weeks.”

“I can’t imagine doing that. Dasom declining quickly was bad enough.”

“I know, baby.” Y/n pulled him into her arms after he set the coffee mug on the counter. “It just happens that way sometimes. They will be okay. I think for the moment that they are relieved it’s all over.”

Hoseok snuggled into the hug, letting the grounding presence of her arms around him, pressed against his bare back and chest, soothe away some of the ache still lingering from his dream. “Are you off today?” he asked into her hair.

“Yes,” she yawned, forehead pressed above where his heart thumped away.

“Go shower and climb into bed, darling. I’m going to get ready and head to work. I’ll be back later today.”

 Y/n slept for a while and woke up feeling slightly less exhausted after sleeping for around 4 hours. She had been feeling super tired lately, but she just figured that it was because she had been working more on call shifts. While she was allowed to sleep when on call, it was hard to get deep restful sleep as she kept one ear open for calls from patients or families in distress. It was very normal to her that she would be tired after a night on call, but she had noticed that she was a lot more tired than usual. She’d called to schedule an appointment with her doctor, but there had been no openings until later in the week. Her phone lit up just as she was debating whether she should try to sleep some more or if she should get up.

“Hello?”

“Miss Y/n, this is Jae-in at Dr. Hong’s office. We had a cancellation at 4 pm this afternoon. Would you be available to come in then as opposed to later in the week?”

Y/n quickly agreed then got up to get ready so she could take her time in the shower and still have time to eat a late lunch. She had planned to eat some leftover fried rice from the evening before, but the smell of the eggs scrambled into it turned her stomach as soon as the scent wafted up. She quickly snapped the lid back down and put the container back in the refrigerator. After taking a few deep breaths while gripping onto the cool marble of the countertop, the strong urge to heave into their kitchen sink subsided enough for her to finish getting ready. By the time she was dressed and ready to go, she had still had an hour and a half before she needed to be at her appointment, so Y/n decided to drop by the bookstore. She could get some ginger tea from the café there to help keep the nausea at bay and seeing Hoseok would help with her nerves. Sometimes being a nurse was helpful, but at times like this, it just made her jump to the worst conclusions based on her own medical knowledge.

Y/n had told Hoseok that she had scheduled an appointment about how tired she was but was reluctant to admit the extent of her exhaustion. She didn’t want to make him worry that it was something worse when it’s likely that she just had a basic nutrient deficiency or maybe a hormone imbalance. Hoseok had been slightly traumatized by Dasom’s illness and death and he tended to jump to the worst possible conclusion; he had fully overreacted when Jungkook had caught the flu earlier in the winter and had a panic attack in the middle of the bookstore when Namjoon had mentioned he was home sick. She shook those thoughts out of her mind as she arrived at the bookstore and pushed the door open.

“Welcome to Tittle and Jot! Is there something I can help you find today?” Namjoon called with a smile from the counter at tinkling of the bell at the door. “Oh, hey, Y/n. You must be looking for Hobi.”

“Hi Joonie. Is he busy?”

“Nope, he’s back in the office. I’ll go get him. Want some coffee too?”

Y/n smiled back. “Not today. Could you make some ginger tea instead?”

“You’ve got it. I’ll be right back.”

Y/n browsed the rack of new releases positioned near the café counter while she waited on Hoseok to come up front. She was reading the back of a thriller book by a popular local author when she felt arms wrap around her waist.

“Fancy meeting you here,” Hoseok giggled into her ear as he kissed her on the cheek.

Y/n returned the book to the shelf before turning to kiss his lips gently. “Hi, baby. How’s your day been so far?”

As Hoseok was telling her about the children’s storytime they had hosted earlier that morning, Namjoon brought her a to-go cup full of freshly steeped ginger tea.

“I used a special loose-leaf blend we got in last week from my cousin’s tea company. I put a little honey in it to cut the tang. Let me know how you like it,” he said before wandering off to restock and reorganize the storybooks in the front corner of the shops.

Y/n took a cautious sip of the tea before speaking up. “Hobi, the doctor’s office had a cancellation so they called to see if I could come today instead.”

“Do you need me to go with you?” he asked.

She could already see the worry in his eyes. Even though she would be more at ease if he were there, she decided to reject his offer.

“No, it’s just a check-up, baby. I’m sure its just that I need to get more vitamin D or something like that.” Y/n kissed him gently. “You might beat me home since the shop closes at 5 today, but I’ll update you as soon as I’m home.”

A few minutes later, Y/n needed to leave to be to her appointment on time. They said their goodbyes, then Hoseok watched her leave.

“She’s going to be okay, Hobi,” Namjoon said quietly as he wrapped his arm around Hoseok’s shoulders. “You know how bad you felt when your Vitamin B levels were wacky back in college. This is probably the same thing.”

Hoseok sucked in a deep breath, then exhaled slowly. “I know you’re right, Joon. I just can’t help but worry a little bit. It’s like a gut reaction since Dasom.”

“I know. But just remember, you weren’t alone then, and you aren’t alone now. No matter what happens, Kook and I will be by your side.”

 “I’m what?” Y/n sat in shock for a moment, mouth open and staring at her doctor.

“Y/n, you’re pregnant. Congratulations!” Dr. Hong smiled.

“I’m…wow.” She looked down at her stomach and then looked back at her doctor. “I’ve been on birth control and still taking it. Will that hurt the baby?”

“Well, now that you know, stop taking it. I’ll make you a referral to an OB/GYN and you will need to start taking some prenatal vitamins. The pregnancy does explain most of your symptoms and the rest of your bloodwork came back normally.”

Y/n was still a bit in shock as her doctor gave her some additional information on changes for her diet and things to do for the sporadic nausea she had been experiencing, along with written notes and an appointment card for an ultrasound and another appointment set for the end of the week with an OB/GYN. She sat in her car for nearly 15 minutes just staring at the information and her cell phone, debating on whether she should call Hoseok. They hadn’t even discussed children together because he was still grieving the loss of his child to a certain extent. While Y/n was more than a little surprised, she also found herself happy. She loved Hoseok and having a beautiful son or daughter with him made her heart leap with joy. Y/n eventually decided to just tell him when she got home.

Since she needed to stop to get prenatal vitamins, she could not resist browsing through the baby things. Y/n had no plans to buy anything for the baby yet, but when she saw a tiny pair of slippers with bunnies on them, she had to have them. She bought them and had them gift wrapped in simple yellow paper, intending to present them to Hoseok to tell him about the baby.

 After closing the shop, Hoseok went home to pace around their living room while waiting on Y/n to get home. He had finally worn himself out after stalking around their sofa for 45 minutes and had just sat down in the armchair that faced the door when he heard a key in the lock. Y/n came breezing in the door with one hand behind her back, sliding off her shoes with the other hand, then smiling at him.

“Hi, baby! I’m back,” she said softly.

“Hey! What did the doctor say?”

“Before I tell you more details, I just want you to know that I’m okay. I am going to be just fine. Also, I brought you something.”

She sat down on the corner of the sofa nearest his chair and handed him a small yellow package. He was so confused but thanked her for the box before slowly tearing off the paper. He lifted the lid off of a small white box housed within the yellow paper and was greeted by tiny white slippers with bunnies on them. He slowly lifted the slippers out of the box with one hand, stroking one finger down the side of one small shoe.

“Baby, I’m pregnant,” Y/n whispered.

In that moment, Hoseok was struck with relief that she was going to be okay and then joy that they had created a new life, but then all he could think of was Dasom’s voice from his dream that morning.

I love you, Appa! Don’t forget me.

Don’t forget me.

Don’t forget…

Her voice bounced so loudly around his mind, and Hoseok panicked. He dropped the shoes and got up and rushed toward the door.

“I need to go,” he said, sliding his boots on and grabbing his keys. “I just need some time to process this.”

Before Y/n even had a chance to say anything, he was out the door and gone.

 Jungkook was just sliding the lasagna he’d made for dinner into the oven when someone started pounding on the door. Namjoon was in the shower after just arriving home from work, so he walked to see who was there. He looked through the peephole to see Hoseok fidgeting outside the door as he knocked loudly again.

“Hey, Hobi-hyung! What are you doing here?” he asked, confused.

“Where is Namjoon? I need you both,” he said, frantically looking around the room for Namjoon.

“Joonie is in the shower. Sit down here, and I’ll go tell him to hurry. Is Y/n okay?”

“Yeah, she’s…um…just get Joon please.”

Jungkook could see the agitation swelling in Hoseok. Something weird was going on. Jungkook quickly walked through their bedroom to the master bathroom. The bathroom door was cracked open, so he just poked his head in the door to find Namjoon combing through his semi-dry hair with a towel wrapped around his waist.

“Joonie, can you hurry? Something’s wrong with Hobi-hyung. He nearly beat our door down and wouldn’t tell me what’s going on without you.”

Namjoon startled a bit at Jungkook’s voice. “Yeah, let me just pull on some pants.”

Jungkook walked back out into the living room to find Hoseok tucked into the middle seat of their couch, his knees brought up to his chest and tears streaming down his cheeks. Jungkook immediately sat down beside him and gave him a hug. Hoseok curled into Jungkook’s embrace and Jungkook could feel him trembling with the effort not to sob.

“Hobi, what’s going on? Is Y/n okay?” Namjoon asked as he plopped down on Hoseok’s other side.

Hoseok nodded at first, then finally pulled away from Jungkook. “She’s pregnant.”

Jungkook and Namjoon looked at each other in confusion for a moment before Namjoon spoke up again. “That’s wonderful, Hobi. Why do you look like it’s the end of the world?”

“I’m so scared,” he whimpered. “I don’t want to feel like I’m using this baby to replace Dasom. And what if this baby gets sick too? I can’t love another child just for them to die.”

He started sobbing in earnest then, so Jungkook pulled him back into his arms. “Hobi-hyung, you will never be able to replace Dasom. She will always be your baby too. You’ll be able to tell this baby all about their older sister. Do you honestly think that Dasom would be upset about the new baby?”

Hoseok thought about it for a moment. Dasom would have been thrilled. She had always wanted a younger sibling to play with. Hoseok knew deep down that she would have been so pleased that she was going to have the chance to be an older sister.

“No. She’d have been so happy,” he whispered back.

“Okay, then this is a good thing,” Namjoon softly replied. “This child has a different mother, Hobi. That’s a 50% DNA difference. Even if Dasom’s leukemia was caused by something genetic, the 50% difference in DNA could make a huge difference. Besides, there are a lot of things that can be tested in utero. Since you’ve already had one child that had that type of leukemia, talk to the doctor. There may be a test they can do for it.”

After a bit, the oven timer that Jungkook had set went off.

“Dinner is ready, Hobi-hyung. Let me go pull it out of the oven. You want to eat with us?”

Hoseok sighed. “No, I’d better go. Y/n is probably upset. I literally just ran out after she gave me baby slippers to tell me.”

Namjoon and Jungkook said their goodbyes and walked him to the door. “Please text us when you get home, so we know you are safe,” Jungkook said. “And if you need us, we’ll come over.”

 Hoseok drove home then took the elevator up to their floor. He hesitated at the door to text Namjoon before walking in the door. He was half terrified of what he was going to find when he opened the door, but he knew that he had to face it. He walked in and toed off his shoes, looking to see if he could see Y/n anywhere. He found her asleep on the couch with tear tracks streaking her face, tiny baby slippers cuddled to her chest. It made his heart ache to see the evidence of how much he’d hurt her in his panicked escape. Hoseok took a deep breath, feeling the love for Y/n squeeze out the last remnants of fear he carried. He sat down in the floor in front of the sofa. He gently brushed the last tears off of her cheek before kissing her forehead. When his lips pressed to her skin, her eyes fluttered open.

“Hobi?” she mumbled sleepily, blinking up at him.

“I’m here, darling. I’m so sorry that I ran out like that,” he whispered. “I just let fear that this baby would get sick like Somie did overwhelm how happy I was when you told me. I should have talked to you about it instead of running away from you like a coward.”

A few new tears slipped down her cheeks at his apology. “Please don’t cry,” he murmured.

“I can’t help it,” she whimpered. “My hormones are going crazy. Are you really happy?”

“Yes, I am. I am so lucky to be having a baby with you.” He kissed her softly, both hands cupping her tear-dampened cheeks. “I’m still a little scared that this baby will get sick, but Namjoon helped calm my fears some and gave me some questions to ask when we go to see the doctor again. But for now, I just want to celebrate that I get to be a dad again. Dasom would be so happy.”

They spent the rest of the evening curled up together, kissing and celebrating their good news together. When they went to bed that night, Hoseok snuggled Y/n into his chest and fell asleep with one hand curled onto her still-flat stomach.

 “Appa, wake up!”

His eyes fluttered open to see Dasom standing beside his bed.

“Hi Somie,” he said softly.

“Hi, Appa! I am so happy that you are giving me a baby brother. Y/n is going to be the best eomma! I kind of wish she had been able to be my eomma too, but that’s okay.”

“Somie, the baby is too little. We don’t know for sure if it’s going to be a brother.”

“Trust me, Appa. I’m getting a brother. But don’t worry, Appa. I’m going to be looking out for him forever, even though I can’t be there in my old body. And I know you love me and you will never forget me, so don’t worry about that either. I have to go now, but don’t worry anymore. My baby brother won’t get sick like me.”

Dasom leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek, then disappeared.

Hoseok shot up into a sitting position, gasping for air. It had only been a dream, but his cheek where Dasom’s lips had touched was tingling like she had really been there. It was just enough to let him know that everything was going to be okay.

 They had decided not to learn the gender of the baby. But, 28 weeks later when Y/n gave birth, she delivered a healthy baby boy just like Dasom had told him in her dream. When he held his son for the first time, he laughed even as tears of joy slipped from his eyes. In that moment, he could feel Dasom there with him and the baby, just like she’d promised him.

[contentwriterposts]

10 EASY Tips to Lose BELLY FAT With Fasting

Intermittent Fasting is a great tool to tap into fat burning and achieve a weight loss goal. But you have to be doing it the right way. Today I'm sharing 10 super easy tips on how you can lose belly fat with intermittent fasting. With these tips, you can lose belly fat with fasting.

Tip number 1

The first tip is to set a good eating window to lose belly fat with fasting. But you have to keep in mind that it's not too late in the evening. Now, if you work night shifts, then you don't have control over this.

You mustn't be eating too late in the evening. Because most people tend to be a little bit more insulin resistant in the evening. Your body will need to pump out more insulin in response to your food. So if you're looking to lose belly fat with intermittent fasting, you have to set your eating window a little bit earlier in the day.

But it doesn't mean that you have to stop eating by lunchtime. You have to eat one to two hours before you're going to bed for when your eating window will stop. So for myself, my eating window tends to be around 10 to six or 11 to seven somewhere in that range.

Tip number 2

You have to set at least one hour of fasting before you go to bed. When you sleep your digestion will be slowing down. So if you're eating right before bed, your food is going to kind of sit there. If you look to get bloated then this is a big problem.

Because it allows more time for bacteria to ferment. It will also cause you to feel more bloated the next morning too. So when setting your schedule, make sure it's not too late in the evening. You have to keep in mind that you're lying for at least an hour before bed for digestion. If you can get two hours, It will be great. If you can't get any fasting before bed, it's a good idea to go for a 10 or 15-minute walk right after your meal. That will help to stimulate digestion and help you to lose belly fat with fasting.

Tip number 3

If you want to lose belly fat, you have to set your aim for about 12 to 18 hours of fasting. Some people like the 20 or 22 hours of fasting with one meal a day approach. But I found it's difficult to get enough protein in a body like this and the weight loss goals that you're looking for.

I found that a 2 or 3 meal structure works best to lose the belly fat. Thus you can split up the protein between those 2 to 3 meals and get enough of your body's needs to achieve your weight loss goals. And if you're having 12 or 18 hours fast this allows for time for those two to three meals.

Tip number 4

To lose belly fat with fasting you need about seven to eight hours of sleep each night. Sleep is one of the biggest missing components when it comes to achieving a weight loss goal. Especially if reducing belly fat is something that you're concerned with.

Because Poor Sleep is responsible to increase stress hormone levels. The next day It will also increase the hunger hormone. So creating your intermittent fasting schedule, sound sleep should be your first priority.

Make sure that you allow your schedule to have 7-8 hours of sleep per night. If you can get a deep restful sleep, it will prevent those big spikes in cortisol and hunger hormones the next day.

Tip number 5

Don't drink alcohol while fasting, if you want to lose belly fat. I know it's a liquid. So it seems like you should be able to have it. But it will not only break your fast but also mess with your sleep too.

We've seen that sleep is king or queen for achieving a weight loss goal. So if you are going to have alcohol, you have to make sure it is during your eating window. But you have to keep in mind that it should not be too close to the bed.

Tip number 6

Don't drink energy drinks while you want to lose belly fat. A lot of people think that you can have it because it's a drink or a liquid. But it will break your fast because it is loaded with sugar.

Sugar-sweetened drinks are also one of the leading causes of obesity in people. And it's because it causes such a huge spike in our storing hormone insulin. So if you do need a little boost of caffeine and you want it during your fasted period, you can take unsweetened tea, or coffee, or keto tea, or keto coffee. Which are a great recipe that you can take to lose belly fat with fasting.

Tip number 7

Eat enough. A lot of people don't eat enough during their eating window while they are trying to achieve a weight loss goal with intermittent fasting. It's a huge mistake for them.

Eating not enough can trigger the brain into thinking that there's not enough food available in the environment. This can lead to those same issues in calorie restriction. You must get protein, fat, and fiber at your meal. Protein and fat are key for turning on the satiety hormones. It will tell your body that you have the energy you need. Fiber also acts on the stretch mechanism in your stomach to tell your brain that you're full and satisfied.

Tip number 8

You can take apple cider vinegar to lose belly fat with fasting. It's a great tool to help stabilize blood glucose levels when you go from a fasted to a Fed state.

Because when there are those big spikes in balls in blood glucose, you also get a big spike in the storing hormone insulin. So apple cider vinegar has been found to help reduce those fluctuations or help balance out those variations.

You have to aim for about one tablespoon of apple cider vinegar that's diluted in roughly eight ounces of water. It will help you to lose belly fat.

Tip number 9

Walk during your fasted state. If you can go outside for a walk, it will help to expose your body to something called negative ions. It will help to decrease the stress hormone cortisol. Higher amounts of cortisol are tied to increase waking around the belly.

So, I like to aim for anywhere between 8000-10000 steps a day, but it's hard to overdo walking. So if you can get out walking as much as possible, the more usually the better. Unless you have an injury, then obviously be cautious with that.

Tip number 10

Limit caffeine to lose belly fat with fasting. Later than 2 pm, caffeine can disturb your sleep. It can take many hours for your body to get it out of your system.

So you have to make sure that you get that deep, high-quality sleep. So that you can prevent hunger the next day. It's really important to make sure that you aren't having caffeine after 2 pm. I am a little bit more sensitive to caffeine. So, it's not going to disrupt my sleep, which is crucial to achieving a long-lasting weight loss goal.

Most importantly you have to set your mindset first that you want to lose belly fat with fasting.

You can check this also to make things easy for you.

[ilovemyschool]

Teaching through COVID???

Bless you if you actually make it to the end of this post, lol.

I teach high school science- specifically Chemistry and AP Chemistry.  I absolutely love teaching and I love my students.  I especially enjoy getting to talk to them about what they want to do when they graduate, where they want to go to college, what kind of jobs they want to do, and all of that fun stuff.  Finishing high school is an incredibly exciting time in life for a person, and I feel privileged to get to re-live the excitement and apprehension and hopefulness and all the other feelings that come along with having so many possibilities for your life laid out in front of you.  I don’t know any other kind of work that allows you to feel those feelings year after year like I get to through my students.  I also try to support them through the hard stuff.  I listen when they cry and tell me that they feel alone in a room full of people, I hug them (if they want a hug) when they tell me their mom moved out over the weekend, and I feed them and get them additional support when they tell me they are hungry and don’t have enough to eat.  I spend hours on tutoring, grading, and lesson planning outside of my “contract hours.”  It never bothered me because I knew I was doing something that mattered to my kids.  If you’ve never gotten to see a kid gain self-confidence in their own ability by practicing with you one-on-one- let me just tell you it’s magical.  When they know you’ll sit down and work with them again and again when it’s still tough for them, they can see that you believe they’re worth the time and effort, and they start to believe it too.  When you get a note from a student about how they never thought they’d be able to understand chemistry so well, but aced a state final exam or got a 4 or 5 on the AP exam, it feels like you’ve done more than teach them your subject- you’ve taught them to believe they can do hard things.  

I’m sick to my stomach right now, because I am so torn on whether to go back this year.  My students are set to come back in two weeks.  There are so many things going through my head and this has been whirling around for the past two weeks, so I’m writing it out.  To quit or not to quit.  That is my question.

To Quit:

*My district notified parents of the plan just two weeks ago at the same time as the teachers- teachers actually just got a quick email that said something to the effect of “oh hey- check out this stuff we’re sending to parents about next school year.”  

*Since they released their plan, I got in to see a doctor.  I have an autoimmune condition.  It’s not a big deal in general, just a pill everyday, but it does affect my risk- although in the grand scheme of immuno-issues, thankfully mine is on the low end of the COVID risk spectrum.

*The district’s plan is for all students to go back to school 5 days/week, unless they opt for the virtual option.  The hours will be shortened so that the district doesn’t have to do a deep clean at the 4 hour mark as would be required if we were in school for the usual 7 hours.  Instead, teachers will all teach 4 class periods and also have to teach an online class.  If you’ve never taught, teaching online is a whole separate thing, so even if you teach chem both online and in person, it’s likely that most of the time you’ll have to set up your lessons completely differently for the two.  It’s not a deal breaker, but it’s extra work for sure.

*Teachers are responsible for sanitizing the classrooms between classes, which means we’ll have to pee some other time, although every teacher is teaching all 4 classes, so we won’t have anyone available to cover us?  I guess they’ll figure that out?

*According to the FAQ document our principal sent out, if we are told to quarantine or isolate, we have to use our sick days.  If we go through our sick days or run out we can apply to the sick day bank.  They don’t say it in the FAQ, but once you’ve used up days, they dock your pay.  

*However, that might not actually be a problem, because in a virtual staff meeting they held on Friday, the assistant superintendent shared that the health department here is now defining “exposure” as 15 minutes or more within 6 feet of a person who has tested positive without a mask.  That means that we could be in the classroom with kids who later test positive for COVID for an hour and neither the teacher nor the parents of the other kids in that class would be notified or asked to isolate because we were all wearing masks and therefore were “not exposed.”

*Since all kids are going back at the same time, thats nearly 1800 kids (minus the ones who signed up to take all their classes virtually).  Based on early estimates, less than 20% are going to opt to go online.  There are no plans to stagger class changes, which means our hallways will be full- it will not be possible for students to social distance.

*Currently, I have a class with 33 students in one of my face-to-face classes.  That’s a fairly big class anyway, but in COVID, they’ll be packed in there.  It is not possible to keep that many kids 6 feet apart in my classroom.

*We are relying on parents to do temperature checks every day and keep their child home if their temp is 100.4 or above.  If you’ve ever taught, you know that while most parents are responsible with things like this, there are some that will send their child in no matter what because they have to work or (in some very sad situations) want the time to themselves.

*In our state’s official COVID school plans, they outlined “Required,” “Strongly Recommended,” and “Recommended” measures.  My district seems to be reading “Strongly Recommended” as “Not Required.”  This means that they are okay with us running labs, sharing equipment, and working in close proximity because they think that parents understand that if they’re sending their child to school, that they know their child will be in close proximity to others.  They say that parents know that their kids will be 2/bus seat anyway and that they’re going to have to be changing classes in a full hallway.  I’m not so sure I agree with that.  I think parents are probably very unaware of that because I think it would be reasonable for parents to think that the “Strongly Recommended” guidelines would be implemented.  I’m not a parent, but I think that I would assume that?  Unfortunately, things like 6 feet of separation, doing on-site temperature checks, and not sharing materials are in the “Strongly Recommended” category, which means the district will “do their best.”

*Our district’s Union President wrote a letter to the board on our behalf regarding the strongly recommended guidelines.  The superintendent was dismissive of those concerns, stating that schools in other countries saw negligible spread upon reopening, which is like comparing our shitty COVID apples to European oranges.  Shortly after his response, two other board members went on to praise the administration for putting together a “safe” plan and quickly approved it to send on to the department of education.  I wish that those board members would come and sit in our classrooms for the first few weeks of school.

*We won’t know which class(es) we’ll be teaching online until the week before (best case scenario), so we can’t prepare very much that is specific to our class until the week before school.  We won’t know our final schedule in general until next week.  To not know this with only a week and a half to go is insane.  My anxiety is in full gear.

*Financially, we could handle it if I don’t work.  

Not to Quit:

*I have one student who had me for a science class his freshman year, then requested to take my chemistry class during his sophomore year, and is signed up for AP Chem this year.  I don’t want to miss it.

*Lots of my former chem kids are signed up for my AP Chem class this year.  I’m newer to the school, but I’ve been really working on growing the AP Chem program.  We even had enough students sign up to make 2 sections of AP Chem this year, which hasn’t happened in a long time at this school.

*I don’t want to quit with only 2 weeks before school- granted, they just announced the district plans 2 weeks ago and in that time I’ve had to talk with my husband and family, consult a doctor, and look at our finances and upcoming expenses to gather the information I need to make a decision. However, with only 2 weeks left before kids are in my classroom, it would be extremely tight to hire and have someone in place for those kids.  I would hate to leave students in that spot where they might start school with a sub.

*I LOVE my classroom and my lab.  I put so much time into organizing and cleaning it out.  I decorated it really nice and made it super functional.  I would hate to have to move everything out- I doubt I’d ever have a classroom that epic again.  All my desks match, too!

*A bird in hand is worth two in the bush.  I have a job I really love at a school I like and with kids I like and it’s close to my house.  If I resign, they’ll have to hire someone else for my job, and I won’t get it back next year.  There is no guarantee that I get hired again next year at another school nearby either.  With budget cuts, who knows?

*In a new job, I could be teaching anything in the sciences- I love that I have a specifically chemistry teaching job.  Those are rare and hard to come by.

*One of the “Required” measures in the state’s plan is to wear a mask.  That’s helpful.  All students and staff will have to wear a mask unless they are medically exempt.

*I’m still youngish, especially by COVID risk standards.

*Maybe nothing bad will happen- hopefully it won’t and the year will go relatively smoothly and staff and students will stay healthy and get through unscathed.  If that ends up being how it goes, I’d regret resigning and second guess my decision.

*I would feel guilty for calling it quits when so many others don’t have the option and may be at higher risk than me due to age or underlying conditions or taking care of loved ones that are either older or immunocompromised.  I know so many teachers who have to work this year because their spouse/partner is unemployed, or they are the sole breadwinner for their family, or they are going to retire soon and need their income to stay high to maximize their social security benefits.  

*I don’t know how I’ll take it if I go from teaching full time to being a stay at home wife.  I did stay at home for a year when we moved to another state, and it was HARD on me.  I developed a bit of a depression, exasperated by some other things that were going on.  I got on medication and did some therapy and it eventually resolved, but that SUCKED.  I would really miss my students and my fellow teachers and having a clear purpose/mission for my days.  

In conclusion...

I’m not generally a hypochondriac or a “Nervous Nelly.”  Most stuff rolls off my back fairly easily.  This scares me.  I get the flu or an upper respiratory thing almost every year.  There’s no reason to think that somehow I’ll manage to miss COVID if it comes into our school.  I am beyond anxious about teaching in person with so few precautions being taken.  I’m also angry that my choices are to resign and lose the job I really want or to go in and feel anxious and angry about the lack of care and respect that teachers and students are being shown by district and building administration for the foreseeable future until COVID is over.  I have had a stress knot in my gut for the past two weeks over this stuff, and I highly doubt it’s going away if I decide to stay and teach.

Since the pandemic started I have stayed at my house with few exceptions over the summer.  I wear a mask when I go out, I usually use a pick-up option for my groceries, a drive-thru option for my pharmacy, and I just avoid gatherings.  We do occasionally see my in-laws and my parents, usually outside and observing social distancing. In my state restaurants can’t fill to more than 50% capacity and movie theaters are just plain closed, but schools are about to open at 100% capacity.  I honestly can’t imagine putting myself in an enclosed space with over 30 kids or into a hallway with close to 1800 of them.  Even more than that, I can’t imagine not sitting down at a desk next to them to help them or watch them work a problem to see what they’re thinking.  I can’t imagine not getting to hug the girl who’s mom left or sit with the boy who doesn’t feel connected with his peers so he comes up to sit with me and do his homework after school.  Even if I do teach this year, I worry that my kids won’t get what they need from me- whether that’s homework help or emotional support.

If you are so inclined, please send up a prayer for state leaders, school administrators, teachers/school staff, and students this year.  We could all definitely use some wisdom, some grace, and your good vibes.

[scentedsongrebel]

CHASE (1)

Pairings: Thief! Bucky Barnes * Thief! Reader (female)

Summary:“Mr. ‘B’ world renounced thief, they call him an artist you see.” He laughs, one devoid of humor and pushes his hair off his forehead as he brings his hand in front of his face, all his fingers touch his thumb to make the ‘fox’ shape from them.

“The beauty with which he crafts his muse. Every robbery a new piece of art. Every stroke careful and planned. Every scheme drawn with precision. He takes pride in his master pieces”.

He shakes his head, his lips setting in a firm line.“For me, well he is just a pity thief. And who better to know a thief than one herself”

Word Count: 3197

Warnings: Robbery, mentions of robbery, Violence, Gun shooting, some cursing…. maybe? 

Chapter 1

Dressed in formal this time, he moves through the airport crowd smoothly, without garnering any attention.

He runs his hand through his dark hair, cut short this time to blend in. He also has a little stubble going on which he thinks makes him look years older as he catches a glimpse in one of the design mirrors on the airport walls.

His flight isn’t scheduled for another 3 hours but he likes to be early, prepared and out of the main city as soon as possible.

He hears a young boy arguing over at the check-in counter for a possibility to get a flight before 7 am to which the lady shakes her head telling him the earliest they have available is for 10 am.

The boy runs his hands through his hair roughly as he pulls at the roots moving out of the line.

James (today Robert) moves forward and hands over his ticket and id card getting himself a pass.

He moves to sit on one of the chairs as he waits for the time of his flight that leaves at 4 am. Its 1:00 right now.

As he gets comfortable to read with smugness the article about his achievement and yet another failure of the police, his eyes drift to the news going on on the television.

“Mr. ‘B’ informs CNN of his next target” it reads and James’ eyebrow raises in amusement.

“Just right now” the lady on the news channel says as she sits on the desk at her office “We got a call from the famous thief Mr. ‘B’ informing our news channel of his next target right here in the city-

James folds his newspaper as a smile graces his lips. This is interesting. And while he knows this is a bad idea, he stills looks around.

He always did love a challenge.

—————————

The young boy is suddenly informed of a last minute cancellation and availability on the 4 am flight.

He won’t miss The tennis match.

God bless whoever cancelled last minute.

_——————

Darkness and excess of security. A swap here and running behind the pillar before a guard can turn around, you navigate yourself through the museum before making way towards your target through the AC vents that have been closed for a while but you have your ways. The tiny particles of dust dance around as you navigate through the narrow tunnels.You would have been a sneezing mess if it weren’t for your face mask.

As you wipe the bead of sweat flowing down your chin under your black face mask, you smile at the ease with which you secured your target.

You jump down almost from the top of the room skillfully and look towards the target you were here for.

She’s beautiful. They say she belonged to Cleopetra herself. Gifted to her by one of her lovers. They say her beauty is nothing compared to her owner and suddenly you understand the egyptian men’s attraction for her.

The green diamond shines in the dimly lit room emanating a beautiful glow. For a minute you stay in your position just admiring the beauty before yourself. 

The moment last only a short while before you realize your mission and rush you get your hands on the diamond.

“You don’t want to do that”

You quickly whip your head to the source of the voice and look straight at him. Clad in full black shealth suit and a face mask different from yours. While your covers your entire face only leaving a long patch for the eyes, his is more revealing like an eye mask people wear at those fancy parties. His head in covered in a black hat matching both your suits.

He seems to be eating a sandwich. Which he quickly finishes and wipes his mouth with a tissue paper

He stands up pocketing the napkin

“Motion detectors” he points towards the necklace. He then produces a pair of sunglasses “Wanna see?” He asks as he places the sunglasses on your nose so you can see through it

Just as he said red laser lines run parallel to each other around the necklace

“Infra red rays” he takes his sunglasses back “the moment you go to touch the necklace, an alarm would be set off and” he points towards the several gates lining the walls “Atleast three guards from each door would come rushing”

You look at him raising your eyebrows but realize he probably won’t be able to see them because of your mask but he somehow knows you figure going by his smile

“I’m a professional” he stretches his arms “I know how these security dudes think”

You look at him trying to gauge your next move but he is quicker

“You wanna steel it” he shrugs “it’s yours to steel”

You raise your eyebrow again

“Nah this thing is not even on my list” he starts to move closer to you and produces something from the pocket of his skin tight black vest

You quickly take up a defencive stance preparing to reach out for your knife but then he raises his arms in front of you and you realize it’s just a chocolate. He tears the wrapper from his gloved hands and takes a bite

“Oh no need for weapons dude” he says as he takes another bite “I’m just hungry” he brings it towards you “protein bar?”

You shake your head and look back towards the thing trying to decipher your next move. He continues eating

“When you’re done with the analysis just thought I’d tell you, the moment you touch the object, 12 mili-ampere current beams would shoot throught those holes in the walk” he points all around the room “one hit and BOOM paralysis” your eyes widened and he smiles at you taking another bite of his protein bar “temporary hopefully”

You look at the thing again not out of options. This was more difficult than you anticipated. Time to think of something new

He smiles as he observes you going through an internal debate

“Confused” he mocks and you glare at him “you should be, its really a difficult position, I can help”

You look at him with furrowed brows

“Well honey” he mocks “This seems to be a highly one sided conversation. How am I supposed to work this if you won’t talk to me”

You only glare and he finishes the last of his protein bar pocketing the wrapper and zipping his pocket close

He adjusts his mask that only covers his eyes and rubs his hands

“Okay so here’s how this goes” he seems serious suddenly “You tell me why you used my name, I help steel this and its mine cause you used my name and its kinda the main rule of this profession 'you steel it in my name its mine”

He tilts his head and gives you a dark smile that screams trouble and you feel your heart increase its speed

“You may wanna start talking”

You look around amd your eyes suddenly lock on the cctv camera on the top of the room

“Hacked” he says and you turn to look at him “all they can see is this sword undisturbed and right here without us in the frame, we have approximately” he looks at his wrist watch “ 15 mins before they figure it out, so you better get talking”

You look around trying to find a way to catch him off guard but he is faster as he pins you to one of the walls

“Why did you use my name”

His face is really close to yours and you feel your heart rate increase trying to look around but he forces your face to look at him right in the ocean blue eyes

“I-I ” you try to say and he smiles again. You suddenly hate the curve of his lips.

“You?” He mocks and there is a sudden jolt of anger in you at him

You kick him in the shin and catch him off guard moving away from him. He tries to get back at you removing his gun from his thigh holster but you stop him

“Stop threatning and I will talk” he smirks and signals you to continue. You run your hand over your face and continue “I just knew you would be hot and right now, I feel you are hoter than I thought”

He makes a face and you’re sure his eyebrows are raised under that mask

“I mean dude” you move your hands around suddenly excited “You are like the Merly Streep of our world, I mean like totally top, top of the charts”

He smirks at that

“I have always looked up to you” you smile but you’re sure he can’t see it through your mask “I kinda really wanted to meet you and I have a preposition for you and you can’t say no to”

His smirks widens and he crosses his arms “Go on”

“You see like Sherlock needs Dr. Watson, like Cory Mattews and Shawn Hunter, like Chandler Bing and Joey Tribianni, like - like” you click your fingers as you try to come up with more “like like Tom and Jerry everyone needs a partner in crime. You know a little help indeed and well” You motion towards him from both your hands then at yourself “What about a literal partner in actual crime”

He actually lets out a laugh at that and shakes his head

“No thanks”

“What no dude listen” you move towards him “you need me, you maybe famous world-wide but me” you smile “The best of the best locally. Brooklyn has never seen a talent like me”

“I’m just fine by myself” he shakes his head and then moves towards you and bends down so you two are nose to nose “A theif is brilliant only by himself, no threats of betrayal”

Your heart suddenly starts accelerating its speed and you are not sure if it is because of his words or his closeness

“I-I” he turns around and looks at the item

“5 mins left Brooklyn’s best theif” he smirks “Maybe you can show me how good a partner you can make”

You smile at his words and move your hand in through the holes for your eyes in your mask and reach your hand to your hair to pull out a hair pin

“Duck” you scream quickly and he is fast to follow as you both get down on your knees and you throw the hair pin towards the artifact. Several alarms start blazing and just as he said 3 guards each enter running towards the room with huge guns

They corner you both from all sides and you make eye-contact with your fellow theif before you smirk and you are pretty sure he knows you are beneath the mask as you ignore the warnings of the guards to stay on your knees and hands behind your back as you reach for the artefact, clicking the button on your belt that pulls you up towards the vents through the ropes you hand installed and you barely get a glimpse of the guards falling down as the laser beams shoot out and hit them.

You don’t see what happened with the other before you make your way through a different path in the vents you came from and get down towards the back of the museum quickly. Just as you pocket the diamond you hear footsteps running towards you from your right and make eyecontact with a red-head woman not in her uniform but clearly a police inspector

She produces her gun and speaks in her ear-pieve “Steve I have him in the C corridor” She slowly moves towards you with the gun raised “Hands up”

You move your hands up in surrender before there is a gun shot from behind you that hits the red-head right in her hands and she drops the gun screaming in pain.

Before you know it, you body is pushed against thick arms and engulfed and being pulled thorugh the corridors. More officers run down the halls and try to shoot at the teo of you but he is faster and is anticipating each and every move and none even get a glimpse of you both.

Suddenly you are dropped in a corner and and you hear footsteps run away from you. Did he just leave you to run away? What the hell. You feel your pockets and the diamond is gone. Great.

Just as more officers almost reach you, you stand up and decide if you should run before someone has a gun pointed at your back.

“Got him” this guy says to those in front of you through the dark and moves your hand behinx your back and handcuffing “Though he had another one with him, shot officer romanoff, you might wanna catch that one I think he has the diamond”

“You got this?” One if the officer asks him

“Ya” he says “this one seems the weaker one” there is a playfullness in his voice and you immediately recognize that voice and your eyes widen. He moves his head toward your ear and whispers “Be quiet”

The other guys leave to chase 'your partner’ and he guides you through an exit you hand no idea even existed and before you know it you are out of there and quickly pushed in the passenger seat of a car, hands still in hand-cuffs.

Just as he starts the car you get a good look at the guy and your eyes widen as you get a look at the guy in his police uniform and thick mustach. He smiles at you and moves through the traffic. Leaving behind the sirens and commotion around the museum.

“The robbery was brilliant” he says as you hit the highway after a while “perfect in all sense except the running away part, need'ta work on that, you know most important part of being a theif, execution is important and all but if you get caught,everything is in vain.”

“O-okay?” You say now actually really scared and trying to decipher where he was taking you

“Well I’m known for my running away skills and as my partner, you will be too soon”

He genuinely smiles at you and you smile back trying really hard to mask the fear you actually feel in the moment and try to appear excited.

“Also Tom and Jerry were kinda enemies rather than partners in crime”

A small short lived laugh escapes your lips.

————–

“I really thought you betrayed me” The blonde says as he stands besides you at the concert, the music blazing through the speakers

“And go where” you glare at him “not many places left where I could go and your men are not around”

“Kinda need to do that” he shrugs “can never fully trust you not to run away”

“Great makes me feel so special” you say and wince as the rapper takes some verse and the girl besides you loses it, screaming her love for him

“Did we really have to meet here” you ask covering your ears as he continues looking forward and shakes his head

“Crowded places reduce the risk of him seeing you with me and getting suspious”

You nod

“So what is his plan” officer Rogers then asks folding his arms on his chest

“Plans?” You shrug “I don’t know. It has been just 2 days since we met you really think he will tell me every one of his plans?”

He sighs and shakes his head

“And it is all your fault” you hiss through the noice “You were supposed to catch him there I did everything.” You move your hands around exasperated “distracted him with the partner proposal, took the diamond and ran the way you told me to and was even surrendering to your officer”

He glares back “you got her shot, Agent Romanoff is one of my best officers and now she has to go through all these physiotherapies before she can even hold a gun”

“I got her shot??” you look at him disbelievingly “he shot her and took me”

He just shakes his head and you sigh

“Listen he is coming here today so just catch him and let me off this”

“Ya right arrest him for making friends with you cause that is a real crime” he shakes his head “Listen to me carefully Y/N you cannot catch a theif without proof and theifs like him, leave no proof, unless we actually catch him during the robbery we have nothing against him”

You shake your head “What am I supposed to do now after you failed so miraculously”

“Be his partner” your eyes widen “report his every move, his plans, everything back and help us catch him”

“No- I-I can’t do that” you yell through the youngsters singing the rap with the rapper

“Yes you can and you will” he says sternly “Listen I know its hard but now you are deep in it and you are my best chance, also you have to do this if you really want to avoid the atleast 10 year prison sentence which would come if I by mistake provide the jury with your file. Just saying”

His threat almost causes tears to form in your eyes but you hold it in as you cross your arms

“What will he do to me if he finds out” you whisper and even through the noice he hears you

“He will kill you” BOOM the loud screeches of the drum signalling the end of the song accompany his words and you nod trying to hold back the tears.

“Stay in contact” he says and then he’s gone. You don’t even try to see where he went, instead trying to calm your racing heart

It is another song that has kids in front of you going crazy as the singer- you don’t even remember the name- of removes his shirt and throws it to the audience”

A body pushes against yours and this hippy guy with shoulder length hair in just a halve sleeved jacket shimmering in some design opened up to reveal his shirt-less torse (which btw is swoon worthy), his arms bathed in different bracelets and rings smiles at you through his teeth to reveal his lip piercing.

You frown and turn back to look at the stage before he tries to gather your attention again

“Hey its me” your eyes widen and you look at him again and he smiles. You can recognize that voice anywhere

“You changed your look again” you scream as you look around

“Kinda my thing” he shrugs and then offers you the plastic glass in his hand

“No thanks” you shake your head

“Take it” he forces the glass in your hands and you look inside to find no drink in it instead a paper of some sort “Ticket, for the plane and the passport is beneath it, don’t be late”

And with that he is gone just as the singer bids his goodbye.

—————————-

[ansgar-martinsson]

The Best Intentions - Part 5

TO: .lindberg@StockholmOpera. se                      21:15 pm 2 attachments

Froken Lindberg,

No need for apologies, and there is no need for me to hunt down and behead the sobriqueted “Stanley,” (whose name is actually Mickhail) I’m sure. Be assured that he will still have a job come tomorrow and for a long time to come after that.

I don’t withhold my email address from my clients, and I do pride myself on an open-door policy – generally. Mick, however, knows that today was my first day back on the job, and he was being the overprotective security associate that I pay him quite handsomely to be.

I enclose with this email the fruit of my labours from this afternoon and this evening. The enclosure is a work schedule and Gantt chart for the full gamut of repairs to the Opera House - the sprinkler system, the drywall, the wood floor of the orchestra pit, etcetera. I have coordinated this with my subcontractors and suppliers and it is accurate. You may rely upon this to schedule your rehearsals, etc., for the next few weeks.

The second attachment is perhaps an addendum to the one you sent me. It is a cost breakdown, estimate, and proposal for the little theatre space. With the funds from the Gala, we will have the space renovated and ready to use within a year.

All that aside, I’ve reviewed your proposal, and I found it interesting to say the least. You have covered all of the terms we discussed today and then some. I would, however, like to discuss some of these terms further before we enter into anything formal; and once that is done I would like to have my legal department place their stamp upon it.

I welcome the opportunity to meet with you again regarding the little theatre space and the plans for the Gala. We can meet in my office, or we can continue these discussions over coffee at Sturekatten or a meal if you would rather. Contact me directly to arrange, please.

I am willing to provide for your every desire. Even those that, as you say, constitute the ravings of a lunatic. Which you are most definitely not.

– AGM

The soft unobtrusive ding for her email notifications sounded from her mobile. Joline flopped down on her bed, swinging her legs up. The pillow whooshed and wheezed under the weight of her head, the faint waft of her fabric softener tickling her nose. She used the softener on her pillowcases only because the smell soothed and helped her sleep.

Herr Martinsson’s email did not. Did quite the opposite, in fact.

She read over the first few paragraphs with a sense of encouragement. She owed Mick some raspberry licorice for the trouble she’d caused. She’d eagerly pounced on him in the carport after close of business. She couldn’t blame him for protecting his employer’s interests. She may have to dial back her overzealousness, but she’d never did things by half.

Jo’d pitched monthly inspections with the design staff beginning at the top of the season with a member of Martinsson Construction. The added layer of security prevented any other potential flooding sessions or bouts with the Prima Donna’s temper… well, for the dampness issue anyway. Katarina could rage against the costumers or musicians, as long and as hard as she cared to. Jo already felt better for it.

The dream for the little theatre space, all of it brilliant! She stopped short at responding to meet up with him now, that very evening. But eager Jo needed tempering. Pace yourself, Jo.

Until…

I am willing to provide for your every desire.

She read it, then stopped.

She reread it.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

Her brain melted in her head and possibly oozed out of her ear onto her freshly cleaned cases. She crossed her legs subconsciously, squeezing her thighs together.

It’d been a handful of months since her last fling, and her lady parts were beginning to feel lonely.

For the theatre, Jo… for the theatre. Nothing more than that. For-the-theatre. Nothing more than client relations. Empty or half promises to maintain a working relationship. He offered it to protect his best interests, his company, his name, and his current project.

As the tingling in her lady parts subsided from the misread tease, Jo shoved her brain back between her ears.

TO: amartinsson@martinsson.co.se                       21:30pm

Herr Martinsson-

You’re working late, I see. With impressive results, I should mention. I’m delighted by your offer and I look forward to your input. As you have work scheduled to begin this week (which is thrilling!), I’ll meet up with you for that coffee. Tomorrow? Name the time, I can accommodate any slot you have available.

I’ll make myself available to you.

Yours,

Joline Lindberg

The only thought in her head after putting her phone down was not of the theatre, or work orders, or repairs. She imagined what the G stood for in his initials, just to sate her curiosity.

Ansgar manipulated the mouse pointer over the red x in the upper left hand corner of his MacBook’s screen when his email dinged over. Curiosity, as it does, killed the cat, and so Ansgar opened the email with the time stamp of 9:30 pm from Joline Lindberg.

The last few sentences of her email appealed strongly to Ansgar’s filthy mind, his innate sense of and appreciation for innuendo. He wondered to himself, with a smirk and snigger, whether she’d meant it as such.

Hoped, maybe. No, hoped was too strong a word. Wondered. Contemplated. Contemplated those lips… that particular slot made available to me… clamped around my….

“Ah, screw it!” He groaned and scrubbed hard at his eyes, banishing the images, the very thought of it from his mind. “You are a fucking pervert, Martinsson.”

But the idea of at least a meeting over coffee… well, that was innocent enough, yes? No harm in it. After all, it was business, wasn’t it?

And so, instead of clicking the red x, he clicked ‘reply,’ rest his fingers on the keyboard, and with rapid-fire strokes, typed.

TO: j.lindberg@StockholmOpera.se                      21:47 pm

Meet me for fika at Sturekatten. Riddargatan 4. 9 am. My table is in the far north corner of the cafe. Don’t be late.

Godnatt,

AGM

Joline leaned into the final curve of her journey from home to the cafe of Herr Martinsson’s choosing, weaving around a Volkswagen Bug. She took the turning faster than the Stockholm Police approved of, but she was addicted to the speed and power of her beloved motorcycle, a 1970 Triumph. A gift from her late father made her feel closer to him whenever she rode, the smell of it, the sound of it, the sight of it, all reminded her of him and flooded her mind with memories.

The machine purred to a stop when she pulled over near the entrance of Sturekatten, blessed to have found a spot to park. The natural high she got from riding set her blood vibrating and her ears buzzing with the roar even hours afterwards. Weekends and rare days off from work found her in the leather seat adding miles to the odometer. She kicked the stand into place, turned the key for the ignition and swung her right leg over the seat behind her in a well-choreographed, often-rehearsed move.

She lifted her safety helmet straight, shaking her head and hair free underneath in her best shampoo advert mimic. How fucking cliché, she thought, hating herself for doing it. Every damn time. She’d yet to find a way of releasing her hair from the thing without looking like an auditioning model. The helmet, a bright shade of purple that Jo wanted to dye her hair to match one day (when she opened her own indy theatre house), was tucked up under her arm.

Raking one hand through her locks, Joline strolled into the café ten minutes before her call time, scurrying to the back as instructed. She felt Ansgar Martinsson’s gaze on her from the moment she crossed the threshold, piercing blue with laser precision. If she didn’t know differently, she’d feel intimidated, but she had some leverage, some pull with him.

The man rose from his seated position as she approached. “Froken Lindberg.” He held out his hand to shake in greeting.

“Herr Martinsson,” she shook his hand. “Waiting long? Am I late? Nine, yes?” She glanced around at the mostly deserted café. Weekday in the city center, many were on their first cup of coffee for the day behind their desk at work. What patrons dined at the café sat in the courtyard in the summer sun.

He gestured into a chair across from where he’s been sitting, holding the back out for her. “No, not at all. Early in fact. Thank you for meeting me.”

Joline swiveled her head, her gaze following him to his seat across from her. She made a small huff of a laugh. “I didn’t think I could say no.”

“Pardon?”

She laughed, waving her hand to match her shaking head. “No offense intended. But you have this way—effective, mind you—you say something… and I feel compelled to do it. And I do! You issue an order, and I follow.”

A crooked half-smile pulled at his lips, “That’s quite a power you’ve bestowed upon me.”

She noticed that he didn’t apologize or deny it. “Usually when someone tells me to do something, my first instinct is always no.”

“But not with me…”

“Oh! Does this mean I’m growing as a person?” She feigned shock at her self-assessment with one hand over her heart and one splayed on the tabletop. When she played out her charade in dramatics, she looked up at him with a sage look in her eye. “In all seriousness, you’re the type to go after what he wants, and you usually get it.”

He leaned forward elbows on the table like a lion standing over his kingdom. “Why would I spend my time on things I don’t want?”

“Touche!”

“Pardon the cliche,” he cocked his head, “but isn’t that a bit of the pot calling the kettle black?” He lifted the coffee pot, offering her a cup with a flick of his eyebrows. “Shall I pour?”

“Oh, yes, please,” she replied, and pushed her cup forward. She took it back after he filled it, and took a sip.

“Sugar or cream? Milk?”

“Black,” she replied.

Ansgar nodded appreciatively, making a small clicking noise with his tongue. “Black it is. Enjoy.”

“Speaking of black,” she mused, “like the pot and the kettle, huh?”

“That’s as I see it.”

“Well,” she shrugged. “I suppose that’s true. But I don’t always get the things I want. There are a lot of things I’ve wanted that I haven’t been able to get.”

“Yet,” Ansgar interjected.

“Well, yeah. Maybe.” She sipped again, eyeing him over the rim. “Maybe.”

“You get the important things,” he challenged. “Like your job, like that enviable specimen of a 1970 Triumph TR6R Tiger you have parked outside.” He indicated out the window with a flick of his gaze, at the same time noting the impressed flash of her own eyes. “And that’s what matters. It’s not that you get everything you want, it’s that you get the things that are most important to you. And sometimes, with a little skill, and a little perseverance, you can get more.”

“Skill and perseverance… but not luck?”

He scoffed. “I don’t believe in luck.”

She looked back to him from out the window. “Life lessons of the day with Professor Martinsson?”

He continued, ignoring her quip. “But you also have to realise and understand that things you want and things you get can easily be lost. They can be stolen away, right from under your nose. What matters more than getting the things you want, Froken Lindberg, is keeping them, protecting them at all costs.”

“At all costs?”

He nodded. “At all costs.” The thumb of his left hand curled in, curving around the edge of the gold band on his ring finger. “Sometimes, even then, after you’ve spared no expense, after you’ve exhausted everything… those things you want can still be torn from you.”

She frowned, her eyes narrowing. “What are you getting at, Herr Martinsson?”

“Ansgar. Please,” he leaned back in his chair, gesturing. “Call me Ansgar.”

“Then you have to call me Joline. Or Jo for short. Everyone calls me Jo. Either way is fine with me.”

He nodded, smiling. “Joline it is, then.”

“So… Ansgar,” she tasted his name again in her mouth, and finding it palatable, continued. “What are you getting at with all this stuff about getting what you want and things?”

He sighed. “All I am saying, Joline, is that you have dreams. You have ideas, and I am here to help you, to work with you to achieve those dreams. But… it’s you, ultimately, who has the power to make them a reality or not. You have to know what is important, what to fight for, what to… kill for,” he paused for emphasis, “and what to let go. You have to have common sense and know-how enough to know when to fight, and when to walk away. I can’t do that for you… and I won’t.”

“I’m sure I would mostly fight,” she puffed. “I’m not one to lie down in the road, you know.”

He grinned, wide and Cheshire-like, his blue eyes sparkling. He took up his coffee, took a sip, and crossed his arms over his chest. “And that is exactly what I hoped you’d say.”

“So,” Joline said. “What about the proposals?”

Ansgar tipped his chin toward her, his mouth at the lip of his coffee cup. “Check your phone.” He took another sip. ”You should have signed copies in your email inbox right now. I had my legal department go over everything and they’ve approved it. My e-signature is on them, waiting for yours… partner.”

Jo gave him the skeptical side eye as she sidelined her coffee for her phone. Scanting her hips in her seat, she fiddled in her pocket to free her mobile. “Partner?” she repeated, still unable to believe it entirely. “You can’t be serious!”

Enjoying her incredulity, Ansgar grinned, all straight white teeth highlighted by a ginger goatee. “See for yourself.”

Jo unlocked her phone and quickly swiped to her one new email notification. The signed proposals and agreements landed in her inbox at 9:01am and it was like Christmas in August, signed by none other than AGM himself. “Holy shit,” she breathed out on an exaggerated exhale, forgetting her business persona in her disbelief.

It was all there, in PDF format, with electronic colored post-its for her to sign at the bottom, underneath Ansgar. A checklist roster. Weekly inspections. Schedule for the work on the main stage, beginning the very next day. Contracts for fund raisers and benefits, detailing that Martinsson Construction as lead sponsor. The tentative renovation for the little theatre. And her secret wish of a to-scale model of the Opera House constructed for the Stockholm museum, Ansgar approved her commission for it!

“I could kiss you,” she enthused half-meaning it and half-distracted by all the goodness in black and white. She recovered herself with a chuckle. “I won’t – because I’m a professional – but I could! And I’d mean it!”

“That won’t be necessary.” Not necessary, but tempting. The thought shimmied itself into his head like a can-can dancer. “What can I say, Joline,” he said a bit too boldly, sitting forward in his seat. “You impressed me… your panache, your bravado, your eager-to-please… attitude for the good of all the people… in your company.”

One hand landed on her head, disbelief colored her face in a flush of excitement. “I’m so glad that I didn’t say no.” She waved her phone, display towards her companion. “I may never say no… ever!”

Oh the possibilities in that!

She went back to flipping through the documents on her phone, one by one, marveling at the brilliance of each one. “Who knew my crusading would do this?”

“I suspect,” Ansgar stated bluntly, a teasing light in those piercing blue eyes, “you did. You don’t suffer fools gladly and it seems, you don’t take no for an answer either.”

With her phone away, she put her elbow on the table and shelved her chin in her palm. “So… uh… who do I have to kill?”

“Pardon me?”

“Who do I have to kill? You were flapping your gums and going on about fighting and killing for my dreams. You just handed me my dreams… over a cup of coffee. So… who do I have to kill?”

The laugh that barked from Ansgar’s mouth caught him off guard. He wasn’t nearly prepared for her to twist what he’d said so far… but he supposed that he deserved it. He held up both of his hands in surrender, “No one. At least not today.”

Giving into the contagion of laughter, she commented, “And the CEO takes a punt at the funny.”

“How did I do?”

She muted her voice to a stage whisper, “GOOOOAAAALLLL!!!!!”

He dipped his head in a bow and his gaze seemed to undress her from the waist up. “A successful business meeting. Are you overly attached to the idea of an omelette here?”

Joline didn’t mind the perusal, she indulged in her own. Answering his question, she shook her head, offering up something else instead, “Let’s top it all off.” She dangled the keys for her Triumph in front of him. “Got a helmet?”

“In the boot of my car.”

With a tip of her head, she encouraged, “You’ve been coveting my ride since I got here. I’ve got three hours before I have to be at work. So let’s go.” She pushed the keys at him. “You drive.”

Ansgar pushed to his feet and swiped the keys in a smooth move. He dumped enough money to cover their bill (and several others in the process). He strode for the door, leading Joline with a hand at the small of her back.

Feeling lighter than the helium balloon in her belly, Jo convinced herself that she knew what the G in his initials stood for: generous. But she also knew he’d never admit it.

[weeklyfangirl]

Frat Boy Pt. 14

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7 (1), part 7 (2), part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 12, part 13

here we go! some answers are revealed, but with more answers come more questions... obviously ;) please don’t hesitate to like/reblog if you enjoy it and share how you feel here. Lowkey but highkey the reason i post this story is to interact with you guys and hear your responses! lots of la-la-la-lovvvee xx

I didn’t need to see anything in the crowd. For up on the wall, between collectors’ paintings was a vacant space.

The family portrait was gone.

And in its place was a snake that matched the one I’d seen tattooed on skin, the same snake that had been wrapped around my neck...

The police urged Mrs. Styles to shut down the party, but no man in uniform was tougher than her will to put on a show. The crowd lingered, more intrigued than frightened by the drama, no doubt wanting to carry on what they’d witnessed first-hand to their social circles on the other side of the gate.

Harry requested a Lyft immediately after to take me home. I cancelled it, unwilling to leave and wanting to hear what the police could make of it. Mrs. Styles showed them less concern than she did the caterers, and entertained them ten minutes tops before shooing them out. She gave a statement and allowed them to interview some staff, but then they were gone. Everyone else had been at the auction.

Even Harry, apparently. I’m not sure why he lied, but there must have been a reason. The officers had looked at me to confirm, and I felt Harry’s eyes on me as I nodded. I lied, too.   

I stayed long enough to see the auction resume. The foundation hadn’t suffered either, nearly raising a million by the end of the night. One of the prizes? A date with Mary’s sole prized son. His eyes remained locked on mine at the head of the podium as the eager socialites bid to set up their daughters or their neices. Maybe they were bidding for themselves to escape their husbands for the night. At the top of the podium, people threw money at him like a commodity. I knew it was for a larger cause, but the smile he threw on wasn’t the one I’d seen in the moments we were together. It was the one for show, the one that put people at ease and didn’t cause anymore probing questions. It came second-nature to him; it was a second skin, a mask like the one that covered his face, but stunning nevertheless.

He couldn’t meet my eyes when the final bid was placed. $4,500.  

Viv won.

I let him call the Lyft for me after that.

Even back in my dorm with the company of Renny’s gentle snores, I didn’t sleep a wink. I also didn’t ask Harry about his lie, or the gun. I let its image sit there, in my mind, turning over and over. The cool silver glinted each time I closed my eyes, the branding of the snake tattoo appearing in the shadows of my room whenever I tried to open them. It even overpowered my jealousy of Viv.

 I didn’t dream my nightmares that night. They were lucid.

 Spindly creatures didn’t exist in this world, but I didn’t know which world was scarier anymore.

 The attack on their home wasn’t something I could reconcile unless it was something personal. There were thousands of dollars worth of furniture, vases, and paintings - yet they stole a family portrait. Which, unless you were obsessed with stoic family poses, was neither a lucrative nor smart object to steal.

 Was there a deeper connection?

 A memory from that night crawled its way out of the crevices and smacked me in the face. I hadn’t realized I’d had it stored away, but suspicion had a funny way of bringing up memories.

 That rainy night outside of Kean’s, I’d called for Harry when I’d walked out of the bathroom. Of course, it hadn’t been Harry.

 But the stranger had said something that didn’t sit right.

 Haven’t heard that name in a while.

 Hadn’t heard that name in a while…

 The sentence echoed over and over.

 One way it could be explained - everyone had heard of the Styles. Maybe this was a threat, a warning that they’d hurt their family unless they coughed up some cash. Maybe there was no deeper connection. And if there was…

 For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why the elite star boy of the beach community would be associated with rapist thugs.

 “Are you okay?”

 “I’m fine,” I said for the millionth time. “Stop asking me that.”

 Harry’s eyes were red. He rubbed them, probably as sleep deprived as me.

 I could tell he wanted to ask me again, but he took a sip of iced coffee instead. Maybe if he heard I’m okay again, this time he’d believe me.

 I wouldn’t.

 I watched his fingers toy with his lips while peers watched us sit outside Starbucks. They were probably concerned with midterms next week, unaware of the complete mess of thoughts churning my stomach and leaving my croissant half-eaten.

 I pulled off a buttery flake. I missed the old me. The old me would’ve been the passing peer, and in any other alternate universe that was normal and made sense, I would be watching Harry sit with a sorority girl with perfectly curled hair as I stress ate 10 croissants and worried about how to cram-write a 15 page historical essay and study for a biology exam in 12 hours.

 “You can come to mine tonight. It’s dead at the house until the weekend so it’ll be quiet to study.”

I nodded. The frat house... Maybe I could talk to him about it then. Here, in this coffee shop, he seemed like the frat star college student everyone knew him as. At night in his room, maybe I could reconcile this person with who I knew outside of campus, too. The boy who was soft, who hurt, who had an entire mystery of a life inside that mansion.

 I’d accepted I was different than who I was before him. Was he different before me?

 When he pulled at his lip again, he noticed me staring and a familiar gleam lit his eyes. He looked at me in a way that made my cheeks burn and my heart surge. Muscle memory was strong, and even though he was sitting across the table, I suddenly felt him pressed against me.

 Maybe there was another reason he’d recommended the frat house.

 My phone buzzed, giving me an excuse to look away. I checked the name, ignored it. He was looking at me again, observing, waiting for me to admit what was really going on in my mind when he must know what was bothering me… He just wasn’t brave enough to bring it up himself.

 And I wasn’t ready to be the first.  

 “You know, I’m not always going to be so readily available for you. I’m a modelling girl now, my schedule’s filling up.” I threw a dramatic hand to my forehead and he fought a smile.

 “S’that right?”

 I nodded, and that’s when his brows pinched.

 “Wait, are you really modelling?”  

 “Okay, gee, don’t look so surprised. A friend of mine needed a replacement model who had more ‘life.’ And I’m just full of that, so, it worked out.”

 My phone vibrated again.

 “Zayn?”

 “No. It’s my mom...” Begging to get the details from that photo I’d sent her of Harry and I last night. I was too in awe of the decor, the gowns, and just being there to not share it with her. It’d actually been something I’d wanted to remember until it all went to shat.

 “I meant your friend. Who’s the artist?”

 “Oh, Zayn.”

 “Oh.”

 An awkward silence settle, and I picked at another buttery flake.  

 “I’m sure he’ll do an amazing job,” he said. But he looked away when he said it, and I heard the restraint in his tone.  

 “I don’t know why you don’t like him.”

 “It’s not just me.” He leant back in his chair, stretching his arms back until the muscles flexed. “I never knew him until here, but because he’s from England s’just…” He shook his head. “Look, I don’t know how to explain it, I’m not trying to be a dick.”

 Said every dick ever. But maybe I could overlook it.

 “Tell me.”

 “He just doesn’t give me good vibes.”

 “How California of you.”

 “I-” he stopped, sighed. He wrestled with the true answer he’d held all along, reluctantly giving it up. “He acts like he knows things about me. Like he knows who I am when I literally haven’t said a single word to him.”

 “You don’t like how friendly he is?”

 “It’s not a happy, familiar, I know you. S’like he looks at me and sees parts of me I don’t...”

 “Show?”

 The look in his eyes told me I was right, but he didn’t say it.  

 “Maybe he’s just intuitive,” I continued.

 “Maybe he’s just fucking weird.”

 “Harry…”

 He shrugged, unapologetic, and drew a long sip from the black coffee. For the boy who had a beautifully deceitful exterior hiding a million layers he never let anyone see, it must have taken a lot for someone to get under his skin.

 Was the thought of being seen that terrifying?  

 “Shit, I have practice.”

 I nodded, not as disappointed as I thought I’d be. I had a lot on my plate today. Biology papers, work, stopping by the studio…

 I stood up a little after him.

 “Thanks for the croissant, and the tea.”

 “Of course,” he said.

 We walked out in silence, and I wonder if he was as lost in thought as I was. Before we parted, he turned to me.

 “Are you sure you’re okay?”

 I popped a hip, putting on my best tough-girl act.

 “I-” I stopped, sighed. The tough-girl acted lasted a whole whopping two seconds as I debated on telling him the truth I’d been hiding. I knew he was genuinely concerned, and I knew that if I didn’t fess up this was going to keep bothering him. Just like him, I caved. “Not really.”

 “I knew it.” - he looked away, tugging at his hair before letting his hand fall - “I swear, you don’t have anything to worry about.”

 But there was a slight desperation to his voice, and I wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince.

 I nodded anyway. I didn’t realize I’d been looking at the ground until he leaned lower, trying to meet my eyes.

 “I’ll see you later?”

 “Later,” I affirmed.

 He punched my shoulder lightly, and it took everything in me not to literally guffaw. Had he really just-? Again???

 Lighter fluid of pure annoyance fueled an angry fire in my eyes. But he didn’t flinch; nothing about him seemed apologetic for the action.

 Last night his hands touched me very differently.

 Last night, he wasn’t a buddy who shoulder punched me.

 Did something change again in the blink of an eye? Then again, his unpredictability was becoming predictable. And a lot could change overnight. I certainly hadn’t been filled with this sick foreign confusion yesterday.  

 And if this confusion was actually suspicion, I didn’t even know of what.

 I didn’t hesitate to walk away, hoping that leaving so abruptly would be a GIANT NEON SIGN that he’d just done something wrong, knowing that even if it would, one of his thousand stubborn layers would never bring him to acknowledge it.

 ------

 A waft of Chinese food overpowered the smell of humid sweat for a moment and it wasn’t as disgusting as I thought it’d be. In fact, my stomach growled in response.

 I saw his glistening smile before the takeout bag. He came over to where I was sanitizing the examination table and sat down, wincing when he realized it was still wet. He held up the bag, and the smell of orange chicken was stronger.

 “For you.”

 He waggled his eyebrows.

 And for the first time in what felt like a long time, I smiled.

 “Shut. Up.”  

 Seconds later, Matt was laying on his back in the chair, and I’d set the Chinese aside for the foam roller. I leaned against it with all my weight as I rotated it upwards, soothing the tense muscles in his back.

 “You really don’t have to do this everytime you come in, I’m starting to feel bad,” I said with a mouthful of chicken. Though really, it didn’t make me feel bad at all. Some of my distressing confusion actually lifted with his presence. Or maybe it was the thought of free food.

 “You have to smell other people’s sweat and deal with bloody injuries at least once a week. I don’t think I’m the one you should be feeling bad for...”

 He sucked in a breath through his teeth as I hit a particularly tender spot.

 I bit my cheek, trying so very hard not to laugh at how brutally accurate it all was.

 “Alright, if you’re gonna talk like that you can bring me a steak dinner next time.”

 “I’m not so sure that’s a takeout thing.”

 “Yeah, yeah, get out of it how you can.”

 He struggled for the Chinese box and held up a spoonful of chowmein behind his back. I moved up just enough where I could clamp my mouth around it.

 I placed extra pressure by his shoulder blade and he drew in a breath. “Sweet...torture…” he squeaked.  

 “You don’t have to put up with my torture anymore,” I said, rolling back down. I was sweating. Forget going to the gym, this was exercise enough.  

 “It’s not torture! It’s- you’re fine.” An awkward apology came stumbling out. “It just hurts in the moment, but it’s a good pain.”

 “No, I mean…” For some reason, it felt weird admitting this to him. “I’m not going to be working here much longer. This week’s my last week here.”

 His muscles tensed a little, and I slowed my roll. Literally.

 “Oh, really? Why? Did you get fired?”

 “Noo, nothing like that. I actually got an internship.”

 There was silence as I worked his lower back. I focused harder on the way the foam roller pushed against the muscle, building and pinching, til it finally rolled over.

 I knew I’d still see him around. Less, that’s for sure. But still… around. I stopped, grabbing some ice packs for his calf muscles, ignoring the fact that he still hadn’t said anything.

 “Where’s it at?” he asked after a solid minute of silence.

 “Coast Shores Medicine.”  

 “The one on TV?”

 “That’s the one.” One Google search and the practice had popped up, along with its link to the reality show Housewives of OC. I remembered Ben telling me Mary Styles used to be a housewife and the notoriety that surrounded the Styles name surprised me less and less.

 “That’s going to be different.”

 I let out a short laugh. “Yeah, but it won’t be too bad.”

 Matt, always a bundle of optimism didn’t hesitate to say, “It’ll look great on your resume.”

 And there it was, the real reason behind this. The whole reason behind anything we did. Something else for the resume, something else for a piece of paper, something else to belong, something else to make another approve of my life’s existence. But-

 “Yeah. It’ll be fun,” I said, strapping the ice packs down.

 “Bet no one’s gonna bring you takeout though.”

 I heard the smile in his voice, and when he looked over his shoulder, there it was. All gleaming white teeth and shining blue eyes.

 And for a second, I wanted to take it all back. To say I was kidding. To stay here. To not change another part of my life that seemed to be turning into something I wasn’t quite sure I wanted it to be.

 “You’re going to do great,” he said, somehow knowing what I needed to hear without me uttering a word.

 Maybe if our families hadn’t been tied since birth, it would have been different for us. Maybe he would’ve been bringing me spring rolls to my dorm room and I would’ve been in Matt’s dad’s shop, helping where I could.

 Maybe I should stop overthinking everything and just accept everything as it was and stop thinking of parallel universes.

 Maybe, maybe, maybe...

 I wanted to give him a definite response. I wanted to say, I would be okay because I know I would be okay.

 But the largest part of me didn’t know what the future held, and somehow I still needed to be okay with that.

 ----------------

 The frat house looked a lot different than the last time I’d been there. I could hardly believe that it was the same place.

 The lawn wasn’t littered with people swaying, confessing embarrassing things to acquaintances they’d pretend not to know the next day in History class. The yard was vacant - except for two boys with hats hung low with trash collecting picks, looking like they’d just suffered from a major night out. They didn’t even look up when I passed.

 Bits of the paint were chipping off the door, and my booties stuck to the pavement that’d accumulated a healthy layer of spilled beer.

 I knocked, but nobody answered, so I walked in anyways. I was actually more nervous than if the living room had been full with bodies pressed together. I was alone, nobody to hide from, the impending conversation looming in my mind. The dance floor was back to looking like a living room. Two couches with suspicious stains were haphazardly placed to create space for a table - a bong as the centerpiece and ashes in place of a tablecloth.

 It was so different from his sparkling mansion. The frat house was clearly lived in, but I wonder if he really felt at home here.

 “Hello?” I creeped up the stairs, but nobody walked out. An open window carried in the sound of students walking to their next class. Had I gotten the time wrong?? It was too quiet. Without warning, my nightmares blended into the frat house. No one was here. My feet moved faster, faster, carrying me towards the room.

 I gasped when I saw him standing outside his door. “Shit.”

 His lips quirked into a half-smile. “You okay?”

 I looked at him casually leaning against the door in his joggers, breathless. It was pointless acknowledging the question.

 Compared to the rest of the house, Harry’s room looked pristine. Madame Bovary and his English notes were already sprawled across his creaseless bedspread, but he pulled at the corner of it anyways while I sat at his desk. I swiped my finger along the top, lips curling at the layer of dust on it.

 “I go to the library.”

 “Mhm.”

 He tugged at his t-shirt collar, mildly clearing his throat. “Not sure where you want to start.”

 I nodded.

 “There’s a lot to cover.” He lowered his head, looking over the bridge of his nose, that silly masked smile toying on his lips - but just like a mask, it didn’t hide his eyes. They were redder than before, and I almost felt bad at how tired he must be.

 It looked like I wasn’t the only one who didn’t get any sleep.

 He toyed with the bedsheet again, and I realized I hadn’t said anything.

 “There is a lot to cover.” My heart beat faster, and I had no idea how to bring up the gun. Would he be angry with me for snooping? Was it wrong of me to have done so? But then again, why the heck had he locked me in the room? “Where do you want to start?”

 He paused, just like I had. A thousand possibilities rushing through my mind,

 but he lifted up the book,

 and I wilted.

 You would think it’d be hard to study an entire half-semester’s worth of work for a class that met three times a week and a professor that filled up at least five pages of notes per session. But with enough willpower to avoid silence, Harry and I managed to study nearly all of it.

 Which, to help clarify just how much of a task it was, the only study guide we’d been given were seven sample essay questions - three of which were to be written in class after the short answer portion.

 We’d jotted notes down of themes, character developments (and lack thereof), and pretty much exhausted the entire book cover to cover. Which, was especially hard to do, being that close to a sex god and all. Even more especially, when that sex god had almost had his fingers inside of me less than a day ago.

 If I was antsy to talk about the masquerade ball before, exhaustion made me question whether or not it was even worth it. The sun had long past set, and the soft glow from Harry’s lamp cast a dreamy hue to the room that made my eyes strain to make anything out. He was unreal as a human anyways, add exhaustion and mood lighting to the mix and it’s like the gods just cast him out of heaven.

 Given my frazzled bun and hoodie with a hole near the armpit, one could say I found this to be completely unfair.

 I set my pen down as soon as my stomach growled.

 “Shit,” Harry suddenly leapt up, bounding out the door. He stopped just before he disappeared and craned his neck back. “I’ll just be a minute.”

 “Uh, okay,” I let out a nervous laugh, but he’d already walked away. I leant back in the chair; it felt nice to be alone in his room. A little weird, but nice.

 My fingers thrummed on the desk. They stopped when I saw what was on the top shelf. Did he take these from Mary?

 I reached for them without thinking, turning them over in my hand. The little white tablets shook together as I tried to find a label for them.

 Who needed this many?

 I suddenly became aware of a frozen frame behind me.

 He didn’t stop me from reading them, but I turned, embarrassed for snooping. He’d stepped closer, and I could feel the heat rolling off his body, the chiseled chest hidden behind a black sweater just a book’s width away. Any thoughts I had became mush. Too close, too-

 my ankle hit the desk when I stepped back. “I’m sorry. I was just… I was just curious.” There was a sad acceptance in his eyes when he nodded. It was so soft, I wondered if I’d imagined it. “Do you struggle with sleeping?” I asked, tone void of teasing.

 “Kind of.” Careful eyes searched mine for a reaction. Even with his desk lamp, his green eyes were dark, a thick forest that didn’t let in the light.  

 Xanax and Valium were serious sleeping pill. When my hippie aunt would come back from one of her many trips from Mexico, she’d bring Valium back by the bucketful (selling the pills as well as her psychic services). My dad bought from her, but even she cautioned him about the intensity of it. I didn’t recognize the other label, but I was assuming it was equally strong, if not more so.

 I bit the inside of my cheek.

 “I don’t really take them anymore,” he clarified.

 “You used to?” Frick. A tad too much curiosity there. Could’ve come off as judgey.  

 Harry stared off into somewhere behind me, my question triggering memories I’m not sure I’d like to see. “A lot of people take them anyway,” he said, coming back to me.

 “Really?” My back arched as I tried to create more space between us.

 He leaned forward, placing his hands on the desk on either side of me. His body moved slowly, but deliberately. Each calculated movement seemed second-nature to him. He nodded. “Sure. Want to see Niall’s desk?”

 The last time I was in Niall’s room… my cheeks flushed remembering our kiss. It was so long ago, such a stupid rash decision. But it was ages before Harry and I started… hanging out more frequently so I couldn’t blame myself for doing anything wrong. Still, if Renny ever found out I had “once upon a time” kissed her newfound obsession and that I never told her about it, I’d rather invest in a wig and move to Canada.

 Renny once delivered a package of literal dog shit to a girl who slid into her “once upon a time” friends with benefits’ dms.

 I shook my head quickly. “I mean I get nightmares all the time, I get why people take them.”

 “You have nightmares?”

 I bristled a bit. “Yeah, doesn’t everybody?”

 “Not the kind that require sleeping pills.” His head tilted back, an elitist of pain.

 “But a lot of people take them.” I spat his own words back to him, my biting tone not lost on Harry.

 “Ah, ah,” he chided. He pulled in a cheek, accentuating angled cheekbones. “That’s not why everybody takes them.”

 “Well if it helps nightmares-”  I mockingly twisted the cap between us until it “popped” but he snatched it from me. His hand took the place of the bottle, shooting an electric bolt up my arm. Leaning back against the desk, my legs stood between his, unable to take me away from his stone-cold stare.  

 “You’re not getting them from me Y/N.”

 “I was teasing,” I said, not moving my hand. “I wasn’t going to take any.”

 His calculated eyes searched mine for any hint of pill-popping desire, but I couldn’t handle the intensity.

 My eyes shot behind him. When I saw what was on the bed, I snorted. I couldn’t help it. In the grave intensity of the moment, I snorted. My hand flew to my nose. “Oh my gosh, are you serious?” I gestured to the plate atop his sheets.

 He backed up, tugging me with him. My heart fluttered, but he let go and stood back, crossing his arms instead. From the corner of my eye, I saw his feet scuff the flooring, suddenly unsure of his gesture. “You said you were hungry.”

 My side-smirk grew into a full beaming smile. I sat down on his bed, picking up the fork that was beside it. I debated about which spot would be the best to dive into. “Is this chocolate lava cake?”

 He’d only brought one fork. So… maybe I didn’t have to be to be conservative with my bites... He watched me shovel almost half the cake into my mouth with one bite. I moaned, not even embarrassed as a dribble of chocolate escaped my mouth. I moaned AGAIN, completely shameless, and fell back on his bed. Somehow, the experience of chocolate in Harry’s bed made it taste all the more delicious. “Ughhh dishh ishh amashhinnn!!”

 A breathy childish laugh escaped Harry, and it was so beautiful, I almost froze mid-swallow. He bit his lip, aware that the sound escaped him, but with no one else to observe it, he didn’t care.  

 “I don’t … want you missing out on things because of me.”

 “What do you mean?” I took another bite of the lava cake, letting the moist chocolate fudge slowly cover my tastebuds.

 “Exactly what I said.”

 The image of me running away from my pricey dessert at The Hilltop Resort flashed in my mind. I’d ran away from Harry that night because I saw him as a pretentious douchebag who thought money could get him any girl he wanted. He looked the same, and still had more money than I could comprehend, but stood before me now was a completely different person than the one I thought I knew.

 Harry could turn cold and distant in the blink of an eye, abandon me in photos and leave me feeling unwanted and embarrassed. But he could place an arm around my waist, remember the smallest details about me, and make a gesture that showed how thoughtful he could be. It was … infuriating. Unfair. Predictably unpredictable.

 I don’t want you missing out on things because of me.

 I hadn’t gotten to eat chocolate lava cake that night. Yet here it was, burning on the bed between us.

 “I think I’m experiencing more things now that I know you actually,” I swallowed slowly, the thick chocolatey goodness not the only thing melting.

 “I’m sure,” he said slyly. He reached down then, hand gently wiping a stray bit of chocolate on my chin.

 “Oops,” I laughed, enjoying this rare moment of levity.

 He licked his own finger clean, eyes fluttering dramatically. “S’damn good innit.” The bed dipped as he sat beside me, eyes never leaving my ridiculous smile. I had a feeling he was etching it to memory as he pulled my legs atop his lap like it was something we always did. Somehow, it kind of felt like it was.

 “So…”

 “Sho,” I mimicked, mouth still full of chocolate. My chewing suddenly seemed quite loud in the silence, and I cringed as I swallowed. There weren’t any napkins to be had… anywhere. With one bite left, I held it up to Harry to distract him from the chocolatey mess that was probably my face. He leant forward, eyes on mine as his full lips took the bite. I gulped again, but this time it had nothing to do with the fact that I had chocolate in my mouth.

 His strong hands pulled my legs closer ‘til I was practically in his lap, and my heart beat wildly against my ribs like caged finches smelling smoke. Traces of him - spice, warmth, and an undertone of rich cologne overpowered the chocolate, overpowered everything.

“Pulling me in for a shoulder punch?”

 He frowned, and I spotted a fleck of chocolate at the corner of his mouth. I swiped my finger along his pout, placing the stray chocolate in my mouth. Instead of mirroring my smile, his brows furrowed and he became a child as he leant his forehead against mine. “What are you doing to me.”

 I stood still, scared that if I moved, whatever spell that’d been cast in his mind would break.

 “Nothing you don’t do to me.”

 There it was. An admittance. An offering. And like all the times before, I didn’t expect him to take it.

 Foreheads still drawn together, his jaw jutted closer in temptation. He winced, pulled back.

 It was the push before the give.

 “We didn’t finish the last question on the study guide,” he murmured, but his hand spread to the small of my back. Heat swept through me, but I shivered at his touch.

 “Oh yeah?”

 “Mm,” he hummed. He leaned closer to peer at something over my shoulder and I swear my heart stopped as our chests touched. His hand stayed on my back, steadying me as he searched for whatever it was. I could feel his curls at the base of my jaw, and the warmth from his cheek so close to touching mine...

 “What’s your favorite quote from the book?” He pulled back, looking at me as though the next words I’d say would be his favorite too.

 But my brain was heavy, overworked. “I don’t know.” I rest my head on his shoulder for the briefest of moments before pulling myself up.

 His hands squeezed my sides. “M’serious, you might have to write an essay on your favorite quote. S’question seven.”

 I opened my mouth to say something, but shook my head instead. “I’m serious, I don’t have one memorized. Do you?”

 A cocky little smirk appeared on his face. “Of course.”

 “Of course,” I sighed. “Who’s tutoring who here?”

 “What, you don’t want to hear it?”

 “Oh no, I do, I’m desperate for it,” I leant forward teasingly, more pressure applied to my hips.

 He drew in a breath, screwing his eyes shut tight for a second. When they opened, they were a raging emerald green. “Careful.” Then, with all the nonchalance in the world, he rumbled, “She thought love must come suddenly, with great outburst and lightnings – a hurricane of the skies, which falls upon life, revolutionizing it, roots up the will like a leaf, and sweeps the whole heart into the abyss.”

 It took me a moment to realize that he was speaking from the book. He waited for a response, but any words I had flew out my mind somewhere between lightnings and abyss.

 “Not bad is it?” he said.

 This was his favorite quote? Coming from a boy who didn’t believe love could last?

 “Harry…”

 I didn’t know what I was going to say, but I didn’t need to figure it out. Voices rose from downstairs. I figured it was just the frat brothers, but Harry’s dreamy gaze cooled to calculation in an instant. My legs were moved to the comforter and he walked straight to the door, peering his head through the crack. He shut it gently, beckoned to me.

 “The cops are here. They probably just want me to answer a few questions,” he said lowly.

 “Really?!”

 I tried opening the door, but he spun me around. He pressed me against the wall, and for a brief moment I felt all of him. His hand snaked around my waist, and his lips dipped down to my ear.

 “I’ll be right back.”

 His entire body alit mine,

 And then he was gone.

 I’d been poured in gasoline but he didn’t stop to light the match.

 Too many times this week I’ve been left reeling, breathless, and a little too turned on in an empty room by one infuriating frat boy.  

 He was causing too much damage to be so small in the retrospect of the universe.

 I opened the door, softly, slowly. Three cops and two college admins were searching the place. While two spoke with Harry, another strayed from the group. He strolled around the floor, assessing the damage of parties past.

 I couldn’t make out everything, their voices too indistinct from a story away. Harry shook hands with the cops. One of them didn’t extend his, and Harry shoved it away in his back pocket.

 That was rude of them.

 Words were exchanged, but “charity” and “affiliation” were the only words I caught. The cops’ postures seemed relaxed enough, but their crossed arms and poker faces told me careful observations were in place. Was I going to be left here as they drove away for questioning? If this was about the charity ball, was Harry going to tell them any more of what happened? I’d seen that wild look in Gemma’s eyes, the way he’d leapt to his feet as soon as he saw it. He had to know more than what he’d shared.

 They passed Harry a paper I couldn’t make out, and his back tensed. The cops were in front of him though, so I doubted they noticed, but Rogue Cop walked closer to the stairs. Harry mentioned “familiar” - or was it “not familiar?” I couldn’t hear. The paper was passed back. More arms were crossed. Rogue Cop kept floating around, looking for something. Or someone?

 As if he knew, Rogue Cop’s eyes found the slit in the door, locking eyes with mine.

 I jumped away, adrenaline pumping when there was no reason for me to be nervous. My inner me threw up her arms, waving the white flag - I DIDN’T KILL ANYBODY! I’M INNOCENT!

 But a sinking feeling slammed her with a bus.

 I wasn’t completely innocent.

 I’d seen the snake tattoo before. I’d recognized it in the Styles’ home. I’d had it threaten my life, heard it recognize Harry.

 I’d never reported it. What would they think if I mentioned it now? Would I mention it now?

 And now did he think I was hiding?

 I picked up the study guide to busy my hands.

 A knock on the door.

 “You can come in!”

 He opened it, at first cautiously, but when he saw it was just a girl with some textbooks, his shoulders squared away.

 “Do you live here, miss?”

 “No-” I placed the study guide in my lap. “Is everything okay?”

 “That’s what we’re here to find out. I’d just like to ask you a few questions if that’s alright with you.”

 “Of course.”

 The sound of rushed footsteps coming up the hall made me glance to the door. Moments later, the faculty woman and another cop filed in. They smiled at me, easing my nerves in the slightest.

 “I’d like you to take a look at this. Have you seen this sign anywhere around campus?”

 The mysterious paper was placed in my hands. The bold image of the snake, fangs bared to the world, hissed at me through the sheet. A somber confirmation settled in my skin, my bones suddenly heavier. The outside chaos was being brought into the safety of university. My world off campus and my world here were colliding, as were Harry’s, and with the collision I didn’t know if a universe was being created or destroyed.

 “No. Not on campus.”

 That wasn’t a lie, technically. But Rogue Cop picked up on my specificity.

 “Have you seen this anywhere else?”

 “Yeah, in town.”

 “Where?”

 I cleared my throat. “Outside of a coffee shop downtown. It’s a small place. Kean’s.”

 The door creaked open wider, and Harry stood at the frame. His eyes met mine as soon as I said Keans.

 “Was it tagged? On the walls, on a jacket?” Rogue Cop’s eyes narrowed as he watched me gulp. I shoved my hands in my pockets, but there was something in there. My fingers twiddled with a cap when I realized it was a pill bottle.

 “No, I can’t, uh, I can’t remember. It was a long time ago.”

 Rogue Cop followed my gaze to Harry leaning against the wall. He wrote down my name, phone number, and e-mail.

 “We’ll be in touch.”

 A card was slipped into my hand and they thanked us for our cooperation. The commotion I’d been foolish to forget about just because of a chocolate distraction had just slapped me in the face with a badge attached.

 The presence the cops created left a vacuum of space Harry couldn’t fill. Alone again, he seemed smaller, like a child thrown in adult clothing. His hands covered his eyes at the foot of the bed as he sunk further into himself. This was a side of Harry I think I could have lived forever without seeing. This was a boy completely overwhelmed.

 When he looked up, his strained eyes weren’t glossy. They were unnervingly vacant.

 I pulled my sweatshirt sleeves over my hands. “Do you think I should tell them about Kean’s? Do you think it’d help?”

 He shrugged. “That’s completely up to you. But if you do, don’t mention me.”  

 “You want me to lie?”

 “Yes.”

 “Why don’t you want them to know? Are you scared of them?”

 “I’m not scared of them,” he scoffed. “They already know what gang they’re affiliated with.”   

 Gang...

 “And what gang is that?”

 Reluctance filled his eyes. “An ugly one. Unimpressive, but ugly.”

 “What do you mean unimpressive?”

 “They’re rash, messy. They’re like bullies on the playground. They always get caught by the supervisor.”

 “Harry…”

 His eyes shot to mine, brows stitched.

 I took a breath. “Outside of Kean’s… the guys who- you know… they said something that made me think they knew you. Or, at least had heard about you.”

 Nothing changed on his face. No flash of fear, sadness, embarrassment. Nothing.

“Are you safe?” I pressed. “Why are they targeting you? Or is it your parents?”

 His gaze softened. “I don’t want you worrying about me.”

 A short humorous laugh ripped itself from my throat. “Too late.” I reached in my pocket and held the anonymous pill bottle between us, our moment against the door cheapened. “And why’d you slip this in my pocket?”

 He reached his hand out to take it, but I lifted my hand higher. I was getting no answers from this boy, the cops flippin took my information tonight and who knew when they’d be dropping in on me, and I was sick of it!!

 He exhaled, only slightly amused. “Fine. It’s something new. Not on the market, officially.”

 “...so it’s illegal.”

 “Experimental,” he offered.

 “But you didn’t want them seeing it.”

 Any inklings of humor slipped from his eyes. “Clearly.”

 “Fine.” I tossed him the bottle. Clearly, I’d hit a sore spot.

 “Have you ever done hard drugs?”

 I ignored the slow way he spoke, making each word sound like a sultry invitation. “No.”

 “Would you ever try?”

 I opened my mouth, not sure why I was suddenly so thrown off. It wasn’t the weirdest question to be asked on a college campus, but coming from Harry in his quiet bedroom it sounded like a loaded question. And a deflection.

 “I don’t think so…”

 “They’re not all bad. For shrooms you’d preferably be in a peaceful environment, and just with people you trust.” He threw his hands up. “S’only if ever wanted to try. I’m not saying you have to or anythin’, obviously.”

 A prick of nausea filled my stomach. Somehow, without trying or saying anything directly, he managed to make me feel so grossly naive. “Yeah I’m good for now, thanks.” Miraculously, I managed to not roll my eyes.

 He sensed the shift in mood, the air filling with an awkward tension. He bit his lip.

 “Listen, I want you to feel like you can tell me anything.”

 I nodded, but fought the feeling that he was only saying this because he didn’t want me confiding in the cops. A “you can’t tell them, but hey tell it all to me!” consolation.

 Besides, did he really feel like he could tell me anything? I knew he didn’t let people beneath his shell, that he hid a heart with more guards and walls than fort knox, and I knew in my core that he’d let me in a little deeper than others. But I also knew that no matter how I deep I was now, I still wasn’t deep enough for him to trust me. I didn’t know if I could ever get there.

 I gently kicked his shin with my sneaker. “Okay, well, for starters I’m going to have nightmares about being interrogated tonight.” It was a half-joke, because the only nightmares I had now involved me, trapped in an empty house, running towards something I couldn’t name with bodiless entities watching me and the flash of a knife.

 You know, just girly things.

“Did you always have nightmares? Or-” his lips quirked, hand rubbing the back of his neck. Could he say the unmentionable? That I had nightmares because of him? “-is this a recent development?”

 “I found a gun in your drawers Harry.”

 He bit his tongue, jaw clicking with restraint. “Why were you-?”

 “Because you locked me in your room! Why’d you do that, huh?!” My hands were trembling. The words had flown out before I could stop them, but there was no going back. “What normal person locks another person in their room?”

 He flinched at normal. “I only did that because it was safer.”

 I glared at him harder until he shifted his weight.

 “I can see why you’d be upset,” he admitted.

 “How would you know if it was safer? What aren’t you telling me, Harry, because I don’t know much of anything and it is driving me insane.”

 I spared him details - that I looked over my shoulder every thirty seconds, that I stopped going to my tutoring sessions because they were held after dark across campus - but insane pretty much summed it up.

 He saw the wild in my eyes, and his shoulders fell. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you.”

 “You’ve said that before.”

 “I know. I-” he paused, hollowed eyes not meeting my own. “This is difficult for me, try to understand.” He stopped, then tried again. “I’m familiar with the guys who assaulted you outside of Kean’s okay? But they got violent, and I disassociated. They hold a grudge.”

 “How did you know them?”

 “I think it’s best if you don’t know.” Harry swallowed thickly, tilting his head back, eyes closed, probably wondering if he leant far enough if he’d disappear.

 “Do you think they were the ones at your house?”

 “I don’t know. It’s a possibility.”

 “Does anybody else know about any of this?”

 His phone buzzed and he reached for it, relief from this unexpected interrogation. He placed it down, but it buzzed again, then again. He pinched the bridge of his nose.

 “You can answer it.”  

 “Can you come here already?”

 It was quiet, but I’d heard it. His lashes fluttered, and I stilled at how drained he looked. For a brief moment, I’d forgotten this was affecting Harry, too. The parts of his life I barely knew stressed me out enough to give me continuous nightmares, but how much more was he living?

 I stepped between his legs, deciding to give him rest instead. It was a sad picture, he and I, how entirely spent we both were.

 “I don’t know about you, boy...”

 I tried to calm the pounding of my heart as he pulled me in close, arms wrapping around my waist, head pressing against my chest. “Me neither.”

 I stilled, not quite knowing what to do or what to say, until I let my head rest atop perfectly mussed curls.

 Gangs were dangerous.

Guns were dangerous.

Drugs were dangerous.

Frat boys were dangerous.

But this?

This feeling that bubbled up inside when his thumbs rubbed circles in the soft skin of my hip?

This was dangerous, too.

 I didn’t know why we couldn’t be like this in public.

I didn’t know what Harry was burdened with or why it seemed to be so much.

 His phone lit-up with 2 missed calls and 8 messages - Viv.

 And I didn’t know who else had seen behind the mask.

part 15

[anotherstephencobert]

October 15, 2019 - Back from the reunion that almost wasn't

I can look back on it with happiness now. But thanks to the policies of United Airlines, I was very nearly a no-show at the fulfilling of my parents' final wishes.

All of us had been planning this for months. My sister Carol had gotten the permits and reviewed the Park regulations. We had all made travel arrangements and also arranged for our shifts to be covered at our jobs. Everything was set to go as planned. (Or so we thought.)

Friday morning I got to the airport early to get my boarding passes and get to my gate. My flight was delayed by about an hour because of severe weather in Houston (my stopover) but we headed out at 12:20 and arrived at George Bush International Airport around 2:15 that afternoon. As I expected, due to the weather the connecting flight, United Airlines 4211 to Knoxville was delayed, but at 4:15 we were told to proceed to Gate 29 for boarding.

After waiting for half an hour, the passengers (some 30-35 of us) were told to go back to the lobby; apparently the crew had worked more hours than airline regulations allowed them to. (I had to think, "How quaint of them to figure that out AFTER we'd been called to the gate for boarding!") We did so, and then a few minutes later an announcement came on that our flight had been cancelled!

We all went to the United Customer Service desk and were given Standby boarding passes for two later flights. Two lucky passengers from UA4211 got to go, but the rest of us were pretty much told "Tough luck". Our group went back to the UA Customer Service desk, and you can bet we were all damn mad. They told us they had no flights at all to Knoxville until Sunday morning. I got on the phone to United's 800 number and tried to book that way, but they confirmaed nothing was available. By now we were willing to try anything: One passenger got a flight to Knoxville on Delta airlines but no other flight on ANY airline was available. Connecting flights to hubs like Atlanta were available but even their flights to my old hometown were booked solid. Even flights to nearby cities where I could hopefully get a ride were booked. (The best United offered me was Louisville, KY. I passed.) So around 11:00 I called my family to tell them it looked like there was no way I could make it.

To their credit, United provided me with a hotel room and a boarding pass back to Wichita the next morning. (Plus some meal vouchers.) I made it to the Ramada Inn and spent my last few waking minutes wording the nasty letter in my head that I was going to send to United Airlines the next day.

The next morning I was up early and at the Houston airport at 6:30. When I got there I checked the Departure board and couldn't believe my eyes: There was a flight to Knoxville scheduled for 10:00 am! I went to the lobby of the boarding gate, and the agent there (who remembered me from the day before) told me I needed to go back to Customer Service. I got thre, and the service rep (who didn't remember me; maybe that was just as well) told me there were three seats avaialble on that flight! She arranged for me to get on that flight; I called my sister (who had been crying at the thought that we wouldn't all be there) and told her I'd be there after all. My flight left at 10:05, and at 1:15 pm I was met at McGee-Tyson Airport by my brother Bill and his wife Cheryl, who gave me a ride to our (former) home in Knoxville.

The group of us headed out to the Great Smoky Mountain National Park. What with heavy traffic in Pigeon Forge we didn't get to our destination - a scenic overlook on the North Carolina side of the park about a quarter mile from Newfound Gap - until about 5:00pm. Our parents had requested to be cremated, and Mom wanted her ashes mingled with Dad's and scattered at that location, which was very special to them. We gathered carefully on the steep hillside as my older brother David read the Kaddish in Hebrew and in English, and then with the help of his sons Dan and Tim mingled the ashes and scattered them.

After the ceremony we gathered for a group photo. Bill took a carefully angled selfie to get us all in the shot. From l-r: David's wife Rebecca, yours truly, Tim, Carol (who was camera shy that day; look closely and you can just see her!), David, Bill's wife Cheryl, Dan, and Bill.

We braved the Pigeon Forge traffic one more time and were back in Knoxville around 7:45. We all had dinner at Bravo Italian Restaurant and then retired for the night.

The next morning I had breakfast with my family at the LaQuinta Inn, and Bill gave me a ride back to the airport. I landed at Chicago's O'Hara Airport for a two-hour layover. As departure loomed, I heard the agent at the gate make an announcement I hadn't heard in some time: The flight to Wichita was overbooked and they were looking for one volunteer to take a flight the next morning. There were no takers, so he offered it again, this time offering $800 in United flight vouchers. When boarding started, I assumed they'd found ataker, but then the agent asked again, upping the value to $1200! I didn't have to be at the desk until 3:00 Monday afternoon, so I stepped forward and volunteered to take the flight Monday morning.

I actually wound up getting $1300 in value for future United flights, plus a night at the Chicago Hyatt Regency and $30 in meal vouchers. Interestingly, the flight the next day was on American Airlines. I got back to O'Hara in plenty of time (good thing, too: the lines at the security checkpoints were pretty long), headed out a little before 10:00 am and touched down in Wichita right around noon.

The trip will be a source of wonderful memories for years, but it's going to be awhile before I shake the memory of how United Airlines almost ruined it. Carol is convinced that Mom and Dad were watching out for us and made the reunion happen when all hope seemed gone. I am more inclined to believe that our Heavenly Father opened the door to make it work out. But even with that in mind, and even with the generous travel vouchers, they got a none-too-pleasant email from me letting them know that what happened in Houston was no way to run an airline.